Loving Without Fear: The Acceptance Game

Posted: January 11, 2019 by admin

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” — Brene Brown

We are taught as children to be selfless, to be okay when someone treats us badly and maybe this exists more in Asian culture, where patriarchal culture is dominant. However, being cheated upon is a global phenomena. More prevalent and common across geographies and countries. The importance of it of course, varies. Unfortunately, the impact uniformly  stays as devastating and heart breaking for anyone hurt.

Post the mishap, when the you manage to crawl out of the mess and stand over the rubble,  you need to shake off the dust so you can breathe freely again. But this isn’t always easy to do. You will wonder at the wisdom of removing your emotional armor. You will remember the wound, the pain and your foolishness of walking unarmored and maybe choose not to make the same mistake again  believing it’s keeping you safe from harm, heartache, and pain.

Unfortunately, we can’t numb selectively.  The numbing of pain also numbs our ability to love deeply and authentically. Leaving the armor on negates our ability to be in tune with life and experience it to the fullest – making the armor an unnecessary weight weighing us down.

What if I told you there’s a  mantra which will allow you to love and be protected as well – one that gives more protection and yet doesn’t weigh you down ?

Of course, you will get hurt if you choose to live life to the fullest but, you’ll survive.

It begins with accepting yourself, listening to that voice in your gut or your higher voice, trust it and always treat yourself with love, respect, compassion, and kindness.

Once you do this, you can bring forward your vulnerabilities, your true self, and know it’s okay to drop the armor and fight for your chance at meaningful relationships.

Our self esteem gets hit the most when we are betrayed by people we love. You may begin to question yourself and your sense of worth in this world. Maybe you secretly tell yourself that you deserved the heart break, that you are either not worthy of being loved or  that you were somehow responsible for it.

You’ve probably read or heard countless times that you have to love yourself first in order to love others. Or that you have to be enough for yourself .  You need to practice this especially after you’ve been hurt because if you truly love yourself, the pain won’t run so deep. Your sense of self will hold you. It won’t matter how others view you, because you’ll be aware of and open to your vulnerabilities allowing healing to take place quickly and also be receptive to love from others. The same love will work as your armor to be able to trust again. 

Being vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness that we need to be ashamed of. Once you learn to take care of yourself, not allow yourself to be disrespected, you’ll be better able to make intimate connections with people.

Don’t rush your process and don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. It’s important to take the time to heal,  learn from the past, feel the pain of loss, and then let go. Draw strength from within you, quit complaining or feeling victimised – you are enough. 

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