Tag Archives: Astrology

Pet Therapy And Your Emotional Health

Those of us who own pets know they make us happy. And thankfully, a growing body of scientific research is showing that our pets are good for our emotional well being.

I have forever had a dog and despite the inevitable heart break, this has been an never ending love affair. Whether you are dealing with depression or anxiety, pets have a way of calming you down. One study even indicates that when people with borderline hypertension adopted dogs from a shelter, their blood pressure declined significantly within five months.

Research also indicates, when dealing with stressful situations at work or home  playing with your pet can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax. Research indicates, pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels (indicators of heart disease) than those without pets.

Besides your emotional well being, they also take care of your physical well being. They get you going, allowing you to blow off pent up stress and relax, distracting you from situations/ things you could be battling with and forcing you to be in the present.

While, pets are miracle mood enhancers, do ensure that you are taking care of them and not just using them to entertain you temporarily and then abandon them. Don’t scream/ shout at them, pets especially dogs are hyper sensitive about our moods. It’s like having a child at home. Imagine the emotional trauma you could cause to a being who is voiceless and unable to express his anxiety. In fact, pets can teach you emotional discipline with their unconditional love. If you see you dog hiding behind couches or going in another room and hiding – it’s a sure red flag for you not to have a pet.

Every time you walk through your door they will be as enthusiastic as they were when you first got them. Caring for your pets is extremely rewarding for your emotional health. With growing children in the house, pets can encourage expressing love, being responsible and being a kind human – which goes a long way in bringing up emotionally healthy adults.

Try and get a pet from the shelter, they make excellent companions. They teach you that though life is short, all you can do is love unconditionally and be grateful.

5 Signs Your Relationship Is For Keeps

We often look at love as the elixir that will save us from life. We get romantically involved and at times, more often than not, bad relationships make us wonder whether a certain relationship is “the one”?

Here are signs that the relationship is for keeps.

Respect

Yes, this is right above love, above everything else. Let me put it simply, if there’s basic respect towards each other – your relationship is for keeps. If there are tell tale signs of humiliating each other – even during fights it won’t last. You need to watch how you are treated during a fight. Does your partner respect boundaries or do they throw everything in the heat of the moment and burn the village down in their anger. If you cannot respect each other’s insecurities especially during a fight, you will fuel insecurity and a lack of trust in your relationship.

Friendship

The core of any relationship is being friends with each other and valuing that friendship above all. If you can laugh at yourself,  have the comfort of sharing your deepest self with your partner without feeling threatened, the relationship is for keeps. Whether you spend time doing nothing together or having the comfort of being in the same house yet doing your own thing, whether you are watching TV and your partner is reading a book are signs of a healthy and comfortable relationship.

Acceptance

If you can understand a simple concept, that your partner is different from you and it is not your life mission to change them – half your battle is won. Constructive feedback is great but if your partner is not open to any sort of feedback and is defensive or blows up every time you try and bring a non acceptable behaviour – take a look at your relationship again.  If you cannot wear your heart on your sleeve and are criticised for irrational things it’s a red flag. To put it simply,  a healthy relationship is where the couple accept each other and are not trying to create a mirror image of themselves.

Open Communication

If you able to have difficult conversations, without your partner walking off in a huff in between – you have a winner.  If you don’t have to think twice before saying anything and and feel you are  not walking on a land mine,  the relationship is for keeps. Couples who plan their future together, and work together to make them into a realty,  value each other. Planning a meaningful journey together and be able to have conversations around it are signs of healthy teamwork.

Trust

“Trust is a choice to be available, vulnerable and transparent in a relationship, because the person you’re trusting has proven worthy of your partnership through consistency in their honesty, integrity and dependability.”
Trust is much more than an instinct or a gut feel, people often confuse love and forgiveness with trust, while these can be given freely,  trust needs to be earned on merit alone. Relationships which have a consistent pattern, where the partners show up for each other and are consistent will weather many storms.

3 Ways To Untangle Your Life

Have Faith In The Process:

We all go through painful situations in life that can make us feel stuck. The situation may feel like an unending tunnel without any light at the end. Times such as these you need to hold on to the faith of it being a process of sifting before clarity emerges. Not accepting what’s happening and feeling a sense of futility will not make it go away. Remember to love yourself during this process, accept and embrace for what’s happening. Self hatred and guilt ridden thoughts have to be kept at bay consciously, by reminding yourself, you did what you could in the situation. (provided you have)

Know that it’s temporary:

Unfortunately, happiness tends to make time fly, while sadness and challenging times seem to drag. While going through tough times, resist the urge to be drawn in others drama or negativity. If your relationship is difficult, resist the urge to engage in petty discussions and focus on how you are feeling. Only being true to your emotions can give you clarity on where to move ahead in your relationship.

Set a goal:

Whether it is to write a book, change your job or get fit – identify it and then stick to it like your life depends on it. Setting goals can be a constructive practice. There is enough and more research done on the effects on the positives of goal setting to maintain a emotional happier and healthier life. Being happy takes requires discipline and hard work, and goal setting is one part of the equation. Whether the goal is short-term, you need to define specific and actionable steps that you can take in order to reach your goals.

Try and ensure your goals are difficult enough to motivate you and hold your interest but not so laborious that you realistically have no chance of achieving them.

New Moon in Gemini: May 25th 2017 – Relationships & Power Struggles

New Moon Meaning

A new moon represents the end of one cycle and the beginning of new 28 day lunar cycle. When there is a new moon, the Earth, Moon, and the Sun are positioned in a line.

 New moon is traditionally a good time for starting fresh, both in relationships and starting new projects. A time to let go of old patterns, conditioning and belief systems. The influence of which lasts approximately four weeks, with the first two weeks being a time of making changes. The effect lasts about 10th June. However, with the cardinal signs being in a tussle there could be a trigger to your love life and finance. Which could result in having power struggles in relationships. If there has been insecurity or a sense of not being valued in a relationship, chances are things will boil to the surface causing power struggles.
Some experience a sudden or unexpected end to their shaky relationship, which could besides causing a drama be painful. A stable relationship however, will withhold. That said, change is imperative, things can no longer carry on the way they have before. There will be a sense of wanting more freedom and understanding in the relationship. Old ways of operating will no longer be valid, as would your life experiences. Be willing to give more and open yourself up. It’s a time for emotional growth, enhancing what you already have. Try not to give ultimatums or threaten your partner, who may just end up feeding on your insecurity more rather than empathise.

 

Transformation on both sides is the key to survive and strengthen the roots of the relationship. Work with the Pluto energy by being transparent and not hide behind the defence mechanism of burying your head in the sand.

How Needy Are You?

“Don’t be needy, you will ruin your relationship” and “I can’t handle her neediness” or “needy people need to see a shrink”,  how often have we heard this from our friends, read on different blogs, contradicting theories on being needy.

In another perspective, people fear that if they respond to their partners’ emotional needs, then their partners will become more dependent and keep wanting more. To avoid this fear, they push  their partners away.

There is research showing just the opposite—that if a partner is responsive to dependency needs, the partner functions more autonomously likely because they feel more secure.  As human beings, we are wired to depend on one another. As humans, we like connecting with other people whether to listen or to be heard. Being on our own has the possibility of hampering our emotional growth.  As someone wise said, “You can’t be human all by yourself.”

Wanting to connect and attached is often confused with a person who is emotionally dependent and cannot think or feel for themselves. The shaming which gets done on a regular basis as simple as saying, “why don’t you get your sh** together”,  is used  conversationally, not realising the damage of insecurity it increases. There is no shame in needing your partner or loved one to be there for you in a relationship. If your partner feels awkward about your vulnerability or shames your need to be loved wholly, accepting as you are without pretences, you might want to take another look at your relationship.

The truth is, at some point or the other, we have all dealt with regret, emptiness and  self-hatred in our lives. Whether we accept it or resist, we want to be heard, to be accepted and to be understood.

Accept that you are someone who wants to rely on others, wants to trust, wants to love and be loved as deeply and authentically as possible….which will require you to bare your soul and be vulnerable. Ignore the naysayers who insist,  you have to be a perfect, highly functioning human being before you even consider entering into a relationship.

It’s the biggest myth of all….no one is perfect… ever.

You can rationalise your need for space, for doing your own thing on your own, but, people need loving relationships to thrive.

To my credit, I’ve understood few basic things. I understand that it’s pointless to be needy with people with whom you can’t be yourself…people who are not comfortable accepting who you are. My caustic sense of humour has helped me get by as has been my ability to write. That’s the thing about not dealing with your core – your inner being, you forget to take care of yourself – on what works for you, what makes you happy. You get so focused on the other persons needs that you forget you have any needs to begin with.

Sadly, all this does is, develop relationships which are fine on the surface, but if you were to scratch them, they fall apart. The fear to hide your true self, behind the easy, fun to get along with, low key intensity – works for everybody. So, you learn not to dive in too deep in relationships, skirt around the boundaries and emotions. After all, who wants a intense, complex person on their hands? The fear of letting out your neediness and the frustration which by now could have converted to anger is repressed constantly. Don’t let it out, stay cool, stay easy…that’s what people can deal with. Right?

What if I were to tell you, there are people who are willing to roll up their sleeves and work with you on whatever it is that you need? Whether it was fear of abandonment, love – whatever you needed as a child or in during a bad relationship and didn’t receive.

Practice being real, with those few. Even if you feel stupid, incapable of a deep relationship (could be childhood neglect or result of bad relationships) have the courage to open yourself up – bit by bit. People who can see through your  bravado, bluster, and pain will hold you close.

Always remember, all you need is compassion and someone who can appreciate you for you are. You are just asking to be seen, heard, validated. And not just general appreciation. Specific appreciation helps, maybe your ability to write beautifully, your wit. Most importantly, your partners ability to reassure you on a regular basis that you will not be abandoned and the fact that love will stay.

No one enjoys or wants to be ‘needy. To deny a need is to deny a fact. By pure definition, it’s an absolute requirement. Need, not ‘want.’ I have never heard people say, ‘you’re want-y.’ Whether we accept it or not, we all have needs, which have to be acknowledged and it helps to know what they are.

Let’s not shame, scoff or worse ignore the loneliness and brokenness. Let’s accept and embrace the knowledge that we are capable of feeling isolated. Let not fear of loss of a relationship stop us to share our  stories and ourselves.

Are You With A Soulmate Or A Wound mate?

We often get confused between our soulmate and wound mate. One operates out of love and another ego. It can be amazingly confusing as signals received from both can be similar. A strong soul connection, coupled with an electrifying chemistry can confuse the best of us. The lessons unfortunately can be both, beautiful and tragic at the same time.

A wound mate is often your own splitting image, carrying their hurts, unsorted emotional scarring from childhood or from repetitive toxic relationships, they become your partners in crime. Misery loves company as do wound mates. You feel connected through pain, grief and at times just the plain old feeling of constant unsupported or unloved. Unfortunately, neither of these partners survive the relationship or can hope of building a strong foundation as the sensitivities can always be at an high with neither willing to heal.

 

The more light gets shone on our dark places, the more we realise corners that have not been dusted or some simply been ignored over the years, stuff we thought we had sorted – now seems to lie scattered on the floor. What may have been a daunting task in the past now seems impossible. Constantly being ridiculed about our grief or scars helps non one heal but just open the wound again and again. With constant criticism, it becomes very hard to trust wound partners or bare your authentic self to them. The unfortunate thing with a wound mate is, over a period of time you start wearing a mask, as your darker side is uncomfortable to deal with. Until, both partners commit to operate from a place of empathy and fearlessness, this kind of a relationship is often a waste of emotions and energy for all you would do is press constant triggers in each other and keep the wounds in focus.

 

A soul mate interestingly does not necessarily save you in the traditional way, they guide you through narrow paths, giving you your own torch, enabling you. They don’t accuse you of having wound, but on seeing your scars tenderly patch them by giving you another perspective. They will create space for you, listen to you without prejudice, seldom mocking or assuming the worst of you. You are allowed to unpack your baggage. No lengthy explanations required on what you said and what you meant…for they always view you with trust.

If the ego is always in control, constantly dominating, it becomes hard for the wound mate to convert into a soulmate. Breaking down of the ego and establishing a soul connect is though hard but fulfilling work. It is important to recognise that when we constantly feel threatened, rejected we have entered into a relationship which would require considerable work and empathy towards your partner. Love is the most powerful healer, but you need to allow the love seep in the nooks and crevices of areas that hurt which may not always be as easy as it sounds but it’s not impossible.

 

 

 

Venus Retrograde & How It Will Effect You (6th March – 15th April)

“We are born at a given moment in a given place and like vintage years of wine we have the qualities of the year and of the season in which we are born.” – Carl Jung

From MARCH 6 through APRIL 15 2017,  planet Venus will be retrograde. The signs which are most sensitive to a Venus retrograde are Taurus & Libra.  The retrograde motion of an inner planet is an apparent phenomenon as viewed from earth in which Venus appears to retrace its steps, hence giving a sense of moving backwards. Every 1 ½ years, Venus moves approximately 29 degrees ahead of the Sun.

Lessons in relationships, our values, how we value the people in our life will all be under review. With existing relationships, a Venus retrograde you will become acutely aware of how your partner treats you, values you/not and how they demonstrate their love. If you have heard people complain during a Mercury Retrograde that they lost their data or texted the wrong person, during Venus Retrograde watch out for lot of drama in your love life. Try not to purchase something exorbitant, you will sure to suffer from the buyers remorse.

Use the retrograde to evaluate rather than react or act. Yes, there are possibilities, you could become acutely aware of existing problems in your love life or unresolved issues. Venus retrograde is a good time to re-assess and re-examine our relationship values. What are the kind of people we attract in our lives? Are we constantly attracting people who put us down, mock us or are we drawing supportive and nurturing partners. There’s a strong possibility of old lovers to resurface. For some, it may become necessary to heal old wounds and put to rest old issues.

It’s natural to experience challenges in any romantic relationship, but if you have a deep bond and understanding Venus retrograde won’t cause any damage. If things have been intolerable and you have felt taken for granted or constantly misunderstood, these things if unresolved can only cause further damage to a relationship.The good, strong one’s will stand. The retrograde motion can alter our perspective, making us to misunderstand signals/situation. While Venus retrograde doesn’t imply deceit but rather a distorted version of truth regarding maybe a person we thought was the person of our dreams.

Venus is also all about money and how do we attract and value money.

Maybe you need to re-budget, re-plan your money. Maybe you need to look at your finances and update your books. Try not to invest in a luxurious house/dress or go in for a cosmetic makeover during a Venus retrograde. It’s a time to close loose ends financially, repay old debts.

During a Venus retrograde, seek a therapist if you have been suffering from emotional blockages. Revisit old issues and sort them. Revisit your old memories with your partner, how you met, where you went and how it all started. Recreate and rekindle the love flame which could be burning at a low.

More importantly, remember, it’s a phase. It has come to help you resolve old issues, so you can move on to a stronger, deeper relationship.

 

Jupiter Loving in Libra Sept 10th

IMG_1988There is no right way or wrong way to love. There is also no sure shot way to prove your love. But there are ways that you can show the love. Often, we are stuck in the mode of trying to weigh how much does the relationship mean to the other person. How much is the other person willing to walk the talk for us. Let me try simplify and reverse this here, how would it be if you were willing to get hurt and love as fiercely as your heart would allow – without keeping any defences? What would would it be like leaving all the what if’s and should be’s and just being with what is? This is the kind of love that requires courage – the kind that catches your breath yet exhilarates at the same time. Try pushing beyond your comfort boundaries and do things without expectation – do them because they feel right.

Jupiter moves into Libra for 12 months.  We are all looking for love, balance in our lives. It’s a time to breathe, let go and embrace ourselves and our life condition. This energy in play will help manifest love, luck and cooperation much more abundantly than it is now. Libra also likes commitment. It pushes to work through problems, find ways to compromise and balance things out. It doesn’t say, forget it I’m done. This is the sign that truly sees value and worth in cooperation.

What do I mean by this? I mean, we get to re-create our reality. We form it with our thoughts, our reactions—with what we believe we are able to do and what we think we are able to not. With those who we perceive are better than us and who we decide to feel greater than. This is where your true courage will emerge.

Let go of attachments in relationships, especially the one’s the force you to change. Let go of the “ego” in the relationship. The need to be right, the need to be validated/acknowledged. There are no coincidences as per Buddhism. We choose people who come as catalysts in our lives, shedding light into places we have kept hidden from the world. For most of us change is seldom easy and when it arises, we are either able to adapt to it or we decay with it. When we only have ourselves to reconcile with in life, this is less of a challenge. In a relationship, it is 10 times harder to deal with change as identities have become linked with another. As hard as this is to accommodate, it is working through these changes that develops us. We can either bargain, hold back, and hang onto comfort and security, or we can take a deep breath, and say take me, and leap into the fire.” Translation: The risk is often worth it, especially in love.

Unless you’re lost in fairytales, the path of true love can never be easy, but I do believe it can be exhilarating, progressive and worthwhile. This Jupiter transit, let courage be your dharma.

Beyond Fear Lies Freedom

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”― Brene Brown

Despite all the wisdom one reads about detaching, it’s natural to try hard in relationships, attaching yourself deeply emotionally and  have expectations. However, obsessing about the relationship, imagining the loss of it and the potential devastation it could cause is dangerous, not only to yourself, but to the relationship you are in. The bigger the sense of loss, the harder the mind clings – creating imaginary situations…it takes vicarious pleasure tormenting what it knows to be an illusion. And before you know, you are feeding the monster…guiltily in the beginning but soon the prankster mind knows by now that you’re tempted. So the game begins, between the rational, sane, secure you to a taunting, bullying child who keeps getting obnoxious with each acceptance of the illusion.

Imagining situations where your partner is cheating you either emotionally or sexting or even hiding information from you. It could be as simple as him/her catching up with an old friend on their way back from work and not telling you, fearing your reaction. It could be their past lovers who are still there on the phone diary, which could just be numbers for them, but they could seem threatening to you. The thought that anything can get triggered despite the love you share can be debilitating. You cannot be in a relationship 100% if you don’t trust or even feel secure. Looking over one’s shoulder has seldom resulted in healthy relationships.

Removing the intensity from what you are feeling often helps, and the first step is understanding what’s happening…..what’s real and what’s imagined. Stop working so hard at fixing the relationship, is there even something to fix…..look for the honest answer. The simplest thing is to just let go and move with the flow. Understand where the fear is coming from and what could be the possible reasons for it. Speak to your partner about it. Let him in your emotional house. This will not only build trust but it can deepen the relationship as well.

In times when fear grips you:

  • Remind yourself to stay connected to love.
  • Focus on what’s  working: More Abundance less lack
  • Increase your self worth: Remind yourself of all the achievements you had on your own
  • Make genuine peace with the past, else the past will continue to show up in your present. Know the past is….the past.
  • Keep it simple: At times when I am really upset I have a chat with my younger son and the simplistic way in which he views things makes me understand life again
  • Lace Up & Run
  • Calm your fears
  • Look him/her in the eyes and smile

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” – Jack Canfield

Are You Addicted To Love?

“Just because something is addictive doesn’t mean that you will get addicted to it. But . . . if your stomach ties up in knots while you count the seconds waiting for a phone call from that special someone . . . if you hear a loud buzzing in your ears when you see a certain person’s car (or one just like it) . . . if your eyes burn when you hear a random love song or see a couple holding hands . . . if you suffer the twin agonies of craving for and withdrawing from a series of unrequited crushes or toxic relationships . . . if you always feel like you’re clutching at someone’s ankle and dragged across the floor as they try to leave the room . . . welcome to the club.”   ― Ethlie Ann Vare

Looking for love, feeling happy only when you are in a relationship. The highs and lows of being in love can be addictive. Some people enjoy only the turbulent bit in a relationship. The adrenal rush, the pangs of jealousy, insecurity and headiness. The high of chasing love, getting bored easily with relationships or when the rush starts wearing off – finding excuses to leave the relationship are all signs of being addicted to being in love with love itself.

However, being out of control and too “high” on love can be as destructive as an addiction to alcohol, drugs, food or shopping. Take an honest look at your relationship history. Evaluate your part in the patterns. Look for common themes.

  • Stop blaming your partners for your choices.
  • Truthfully, you know healthy behavior from dysfunctional behavior. When you see unhealthy behavior; set limits or move on.
  • Take responsibility for your own happiness. Stop expecting it to come from outside sources.
  • If you know you have self -esteem issues; fix them, counseling is a good start.
  • Strongly consider getting professional help. Therapy can save you a lot of pain and suffering; and help you learn how to have a healthy and satisfying relationships .

seven_cups

http://www.tarotbyanisha.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/devil.jpg

In tarot, The Devil Tarot card has several meanings that can be quite negative on first sight. The Devil symbolises temptation and addiction, which don’t tend to lead to happy outcomes. But the Devil Tarot card is not all bad. This card is a wake up call and acts as a warning to the Querent of the dangers of being obsessed with  unhealthy relationships, alcohol and sex.

In the Tarot, the suit of cups represents emotions. The contents of the cups here represent temptation. Depending on which position  the  7 of cups come up in, it speaks about being delusional. Maybe you are refusing to see the relationship as it is but you insist on having your own version of the relationship.

The adjoining cards finally decide the final result.

 

The lights are on but you’re not home

Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another kiss is all it takes

You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
Your throat is tight, you can’t breathe
Another kiss is all you need

Whoa, you like to think
That you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth
To say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it
You’re addicted to love  – Robert Palmer: Addicted to love