“Everything, in its way, is a gift – even the painful things. In reality, all of life every moment, every experience – is an expression of spirit.” -Adyashanti
I personally will never forget 2020 – not due to covid – in fact, the pandemic came as a reminder of the people I hold dear…of the things that needed to get done today..not tomorrow ..not next month.
I lost the love of my life for 9 years – Jimi boy – who had come into my life when unknowingly I needed him more than he needed me….Nothing was falling apart – life was peacefully mundane…voids had long been filled with various busyness. Jimi came and owned us all…he made us into a family. The way he bound us all as one was magical. The suddenness with which he went and my helplessness had a strangely sickeningly familiarity of the reminder that nothing is permanent. The assumption he was going to be there for a few more years was shattered. Jimi taught me to be in the present and I think he’s one of the main reasons I started riding. He’s taught me that sometimes the things we need in our lives most of all are things we never would dream of wanting. He showed me that the unexpected joys in life sometimes stem from disappointment, anger, or loss. He’s shown me to never think you have everything figured out.
The second loss was of an old friendship – which had hung precariously like a dry leaf on a tree for some time.. I grieved when I walked away from it … not prepared for the hurt that would follow…or the anger or the sense of betrayal. A friendship is a mutual relationship of trust, affection, and support – it’s an unspoken safe place. While some friendships come and go leaving behind no ill feelings, others are harder to move forward from. No matter what the reason -be the bigger person and move on from the situation – nothing is permanent. Relationships last as long as you’re resonating on the same vibrational level. The lessons that needed to be taught by another soul – finished and that’s all there is to it. Maybe you could feel the hostility and felt unwelcome, rather than be angry, simply choose to acknowledge how things have evolved and that you have the choice to cut ties. And, it’s okay. You are not right, and they are not wrong. Loss can be both confusing and painful. Take some time to grieve, give yourself the permission to feel the sadness over the loss, but also celebrate new beginnings.
Learn something new, something that jolts you out of your comfort zone. Learning requires risk-taking. For me, it was learning how to ride in Jimi’s memory. I am still learning, leaning into fear, embracing the unknown, and welcoming the change it’s bringing. I don’t know where this journey will take me, but for now, I am going with the flow…embracing the uncertainty. More listening. More silence. More observations. More trust-building.