We often look at love as the elixir that will save us from life. We get romantically involved and at times, more often than not, bad relationships make us wonder whether a certain relationship is “the one”?
Here are signs that the relationship is for keeps.
Yes, this is right above love, above everything else. Let me put it simply, if there’s basic respect towards each other – your relationship is for keeps. If there are tell tale signs of humiliating each other – even during fights it won’t last. You need to watch how you are treated during a fight. Does your partner respect boundaries or do they throw everything in the heat of the moment and burn the village down in their anger. If you cannot respect each other’s insecurities especially during a fight, you will fuel insecurity and a lack of trust in your relationship.
The core of any relationship is being friends with each other and valuing that friendship above all. If you can laugh at yourself, have the comfort of sharing your deepest self with your partner without feeling threatened, the relationship is for keeps. Whether you spend time doing nothing together or having the comfort of being in the same house yet doing your own thing, whether you are watching TV and your partner is reading a book are signs of a healthy and comfortable relationship.
If you can understand a simple concept, that your partner is different from you and it is not your life mission to change them – half your battle is won. Constructive feedback is great but if your partner is not open to any sort of feedback and is defensive or blows up every time you try and bring a non acceptable behaviour – take a look at your relationship again. If you cannot wear your heart on your sleeve and are criticised for irrational things it’s a red flag. To put it simply, a healthy relationship is where the couple accept each other and are not trying to create a mirror image of themselves.
If you able to have difficult conversations, without your partner walking off in a huff in between – you have a winner. If you don’t have to think twice before saying anything and and feel you are not walking on a land mine, the relationship is for keeps. Couples who plan their future together, and work together to make them into a realty, value each other. Planning a meaningful journey together and be able to have conversations around it are signs of healthy teamwork.
“Trust is a choice to be available, vulnerable and transparent in a relationship, because the person you’re trusting has proven worthy of your partnership through consistency in their honesty, integrity and dependability.”
Trust is much more than an instinct or a gut feel, people often confuse love and forgiveness with trust, while these can be given freely, trust needs to be earned on merit alone. Relationships which have a consistent pattern, where the partners show up for each other and are consistent will weather many storms.