Tag Archives: Astro and Tarot Predictions

Full Moon In Scorpio 10th May 2017: Convert Fear To Love

This May full moon is all about taking your power back. It’s about going in deep, letting go of things not required, making space for something to change, shift on a deep level. Pluto, one of the ruling planets of Scorpio, is going to dig deep, dig everything under the surface which is not pretty.

It’s the time for opening your heart, understanding the complexities of your relationship. On the other hand, if you are done trying, this would be the perfect time to cut that someone off from your life, or of a situation that is no longer adding any value to your life. It’s a time of being courageous, of taking back your power, tapping deep inside you for the strength and wisdom you possess.

Embrace and accept responsibility for your life. If you are not supported emotionally by your partner, look at whether it is something they are refusing to give you or are incapable of being there for you.

Show up for yourself. Use this full moon transformative energy to heal and move forward. You may just find a new direction ahead.

 

 

 

Don’t let fear block your way ahead.

Embrace and accept.

Are You With A Soulmate Or A Wound mate?

We often get confused between our soulmate and wound mate. One operates out of love and another ego. It can be amazingly confusing as signals received from both can be similar. A strong soul connection, coupled with an electrifying chemistry can confuse the best of us. The lessons unfortunately can be both, beautiful and tragic at the same time.

A wound mate is often your own splitting image, carrying their hurts, unsorted emotional scarring from childhood or from repetitive toxic relationships, they become your partners in crime. Misery loves company as do wound mates. You feel connected through pain, grief and at times just the plain old feeling of constant unsupported or unloved. Unfortunately, neither of these partners survive the relationship or can hope of building a strong foundation as the sensitivities can always be at an high with neither willing to heal.

 

The more light gets shone on our dark places, the more we realise corners that have not been dusted or some simply been ignored over the years, stuff we thought we had sorted – now seems to lie scattered on the floor. What may have been a daunting task in the past now seems impossible. Constantly being ridiculed about our grief or scars helps non one heal but just open the wound again and again. With constant criticism, it becomes very hard to trust wound partners or bare your authentic self to them. The unfortunate thing with a wound mate is, over a period of time you start wearing a mask, as your darker side is uncomfortable to deal with. Until, both partners commit to operate from a place of empathy and fearlessness, this kind of a relationship is often a waste of emotions and energy for all you would do is press constant triggers in each other and keep the wounds in focus.

 

A soul mate interestingly does not necessarily save you in the traditional way, they guide you through narrow paths, giving you your own torch, enabling you. They don’t accuse you of having wound, but on seeing your scars tenderly patch them by giving you another perspective. They will create space for you, listen to you without prejudice, seldom mocking or assuming the worst of you. You are allowed to unpack your baggage. No lengthy explanations required on what you said and what you meant…for they always view you with trust.

If the ego is always in control, constantly dominating, it becomes hard for the wound mate to convert into a soulmate. Breaking down of the ego and establishing a soul connect is though hard but fulfilling work. It is important to recognise that when we constantly feel threatened, rejected we have entered into a relationship which would require considerable work and empathy towards your partner. Love is the most powerful healer, but you need to allow the love seep in the nooks and crevices of areas that hurt which may not always be as easy as it sounds but it’s not impossible.

 

 

 

Venus Retrograde & How It Will Effect You (6th March – 15th April)

“We are born at a given moment in a given place and like vintage years of wine we have the qualities of the year and of the season in which we are born.” – Carl Jung

From MARCH 6 through APRIL 15 2017,  planet Venus will be retrograde. The signs which are most sensitive to a Venus retrograde are Taurus & Libra.  The retrograde motion of an inner planet is an apparent phenomenon as viewed from earth in which Venus appears to retrace its steps, hence giving a sense of moving backwards. Every 1 ½ years, Venus moves approximately 29 degrees ahead of the Sun.

Lessons in relationships, our values, how we value the people in our life will all be under review. With existing relationships, a Venus retrograde you will become acutely aware of how your partner treats you, values you/not and how they demonstrate their love. If you have heard people complain during a Mercury Retrograde that they lost their data or texted the wrong person, during Venus Retrograde watch out for lot of drama in your love life. Try not to purchase something exorbitant, you will sure to suffer from the buyers remorse.

Use the retrograde to evaluate rather than react or act. Yes, there are possibilities, you could become acutely aware of existing problems in your love life or unresolved issues. Venus retrograde is a good time to re-assess and re-examine our relationship values. What are the kind of people we attract in our lives? Are we constantly attracting people who put us down, mock us or are we drawing supportive and nurturing partners. There’s a strong possibility of old lovers to resurface. For some, it may become necessary to heal old wounds and put to rest old issues.

It’s natural to experience challenges in any romantic relationship, but if you have a deep bond and understanding Venus retrograde won’t cause any damage. If things have been intolerable and you have felt taken for granted or constantly misunderstood, these things if unresolved can only cause further damage to a relationship.The good, strong one’s will stand. The retrograde motion can alter our perspective, making us to misunderstand signals/situation. While Venus retrograde doesn’t imply deceit but rather a distorted version of truth regarding maybe a person we thought was the person of our dreams.

Venus is also all about money and how do we attract and value money.

Maybe you need to re-budget, re-plan your money. Maybe you need to look at your finances and update your books. Try not to invest in a luxurious house/dress or go in for a cosmetic makeover during a Venus retrograde. It’s a time to close loose ends financially, repay old debts.

During a Venus retrograde, seek a therapist if you have been suffering from emotional blockages. Revisit old issues and sort them. Revisit your old memories with your partner, how you met, where you went and how it all started. Recreate and rekindle the love flame which could be burning at a low.

More importantly, remember, it’s a phase. It has come to help you resolve old issues, so you can move on to a stronger, deeper relationship.

 

Letting Go Of 2016….

Let go of 2016 with grace, with compassion and acknowledging that you’ve come a long way. Sure, there were better routes, maybe smoother one’s but you chose what you knew  was the best route to your knowledge. If the lessons have been hard and cruel, acknowledge them and know time does not heal all wounds but allows us to cope with them. You are fine, you will be fine. Maybe it still looks dark, maybe you still feel lost and that’s okay. Embrace your uncertainty, embrace your aches and know you did your best. Accept, don’t dramatise, stay easy , stay light.

Let go judging yourself, yet simply ask what you could have done differently. Would it still have gotten you the desired results? You would only know, if you would try another way. Hold yourself accountable and take action on what you’ve learned. Stop keeping lists of how you have been wronged. Taking responsibility means you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open in the world. It’s okay to fall, it’s okay to fail as long as you can pick yourself up and start walking again. If amazing stuff is happening, you played a role. If tough stuff is happening, you played a role.

For me this is not about focusing on something and expecting to magically conjure it into existence but simply focusing on the good. By focusing on what I can do next. Does a certain situation seem futile? Do you constantly feel undermined, criticised, unloved? Do I live in fear or do I live in abundance? Do I choose to ignore or do I choose to deal with it?

End of 2016, look back, ask yourself, what is my focus right now? Am I focusing on something I want or something I don’t want? Am I seeing the opportunities or only the obstacles? What am I looking at? What am I willing to give? Do I want to live in regret or do smile back at life, tighten my gloves and beckon it back for another round?

Let go of what did not work out, what could have/should have, the disappointment of working in a place that ignores your potential, maybe a state of being in and out of jobs or the people you loved and did not love you back. The friends who chose to see you in pain and look through your pain, the disappointments of not being loved enough, of being let down. ACCEPT it all with gentleness – look at these hurts with compassion.

Choose to move beyond the self defeating beliefs that you’ve told yourself over and over again, “I will never be happy, I can never find love, I can never find a job that makes me happy”,” my situation will never change”.  Tell yourself, “I am worthy”.  Focus on the small moments of happiness that you felt, snuggling early in the morning, the kindness given by random strangers, the cab that arrived on time, the gym session you aced, the pure joy on your child’s face when you hugged them or your quite walks holding hands.

The universe has not forgotten you, you are loved, your are cared for…you matter.

 

An Ode To Full Moon 19th July

 

Full Moons tend to make us purge and release things from our lives, so we need to make sure that we are in control of this and no one is forcing our hand! Sometimes we can let go of things that we regret later, due to heightened emotions and the Full Moons perchance for saying ‘F*** You!’ The bright light of the sun throws a spotlight on our subconscious and our shadow. This can feel uncomfortable as the Sun literally blasts out the demons who have nowhere to hide. We had a gentle full moon as we began July and now with the full moon the time has come to cement what we started….for good or for bad. Things seen under the guise of a full moon are hazy…so be careful of what you keep and what you let go.

Use this Full Moon energy to purge things out, and discard redundant patterns, deep rooted fear from the sub-conciseness…and remember to put a lid on it for good.  Stay grounded as the Sun and the Moon are are in opposite zodiac. Cancer and Capricorn….Cancer’s need to cling and be emotional and Capricorns need to deal with the rationale. Maintain the balance of the yin and yang of solar and lunar harmony.

The beginning of the month if there has been an awareness to accomplish things or put your relationships in place, Full Moon gives the opportunity of firming them up.

Trust your intuition and balance your commitment to your family and work. The next two weeks, we will discover what this means for us. For now, let the work begin. The Full Moon is going to shine a powerful light on parts of our lives we have felt hesitant to express. Since Full Moon is all about emotions, be prepared to deal with the dark and murky feelings with all the gentleness and love you can manage. Be careful of what you say or do during this period, for the emotions could be unrefined, and not particularly rational as yet.

 

moon tarot

When the thorn bush turns white, that’s when I’ll come home..

I am going out to see what I can sow

And I don’t know where I’ll go
And I don’t know what I’ll see
But I’ll try not to bring it back home with me

Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As you watch me wander, curse the powers that be
Cause all I want is here and now
But it’s already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long” 

(Full Moon: Black Ghosts)

Are You An Emotional Bully?

“Authentic love does not de-value another human being”

“Man, I can’t talk to you about anything.”
“You just don’t get it, do you? I left my last relationship just because of this drama.”
“I’m not going to talk about this with you. ”
“Just drop it. I’m tired of this conversation.”

Let’s look at the case of *Sheena and Vikas. “It’s as though I am walking on egg shells around him and my feelings and emotions are seldom validated…I have tried talking various times with him but we’re unable to discuss the sensitive topics. I feel stuck and confused most of the time…as though it’s my fault though I know deep down it isn’t. I am forever accused of being over sensitive and refusing to change as per him.”

If this sounds familiar, welcome to the club of emotional abuse. A syndrome we don’t dream of attaching in our closest relationships for we don’t imagine our loved one’s would manipulate us. Emotional bullying is often confused under the garb of being branded as “hyper sensitive”, not being a good sport, using sarcasm often, painful things from the past dragged and the decisions made then questioned, making excuses for bad behaviour etc. If you’re constantly having your flaws pointed out and criticized, and being punished with withdrawal both emotionally and physically, all is not well at Eden.

Emotional abuse is far more hurtful than physical abuse because the scars are deeper and longer lasting. This type of abuse wears away at a person’s sense of self and causes the person to stop trusting their own perceptions. It becomes like a mind-game. Over time, the abused person has such low self-esteem that they start to blame themselves for the abuse. It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant reaction, as well as more subtle tactics like shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves. They didn’t learn healthy coping mechanisms or how to have positive, healthy relationships. Instead, they feel angry, hurt, fearful and powerless. When someone plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, or values to get what they want, they are emotionally abusing you.

When people constantly cross your personal boundaries despite repeated requests shows not only a complete lack of respect but also a need to control others.

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. We need to go easy on ourselves and on others instead of constantly judging and embarrassing each other. The beauty of a relationship is in the fact that despite all your flaws, your partner chooses to see the best in you. Additionally, they help you work through them. If your partner keeps reacting and accusing with no intention of helping you find a way to better yourself, it serves as a major blow to your self-esteem. Constant reactions and shaming never helps anyone.

In any case, there shouldn’t even be such a thing as retribution in a relationship. There is simply no room for it. And this is non negotiable in a relationship. Just because you do something wrong doesn’t mean you ought to be subjected to punishment. If your partner chooses to punish you by cutting you off , isolating you and perusing his own interests or doing things to make you feel guilty, then it’s not fair to you. Mistakes are inevitable in a relationship, but if you’re made to feel guilty and your morality is going to be questioned, maybe you need to give a hard look at your relationship.

In Sheena’s case, Vikas chose to completely deny the situation as is. Thereby undermining Sheena’s  perception of the world in order to maintain control over her. For example, if she expressed  hurt by what he did, he would respond by saying, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re totally misreading the situation, you shouldn’t feel that way.” minimizing her experience by saying something like “You’re over reacting” made her question her perceptions so that eventually she  begins to mistrust them.

Emotional abusers  tend to be very touchy when the subject under discussion pertains to them. They are very easily offended. Instead of working on a problem with you, they will blame you for looking at it negatively or totally misunderstanding it. One has to be very careful with their words around them, as you never know what could upset them. This always keeps you in a very difficult position having to weigh each and everything before saying it. They will insist on treating you like a child and make you question your decisions. Often accusation of what you said will be repeated multiple times in order to confuse you and make you question your own mind. Unfortunately, we choose to ignore such signs since we are so attached to that person, and the relationship means so much to us that we can’t risk losing it. But it is important to look out for yourself and do the right thing no matter how difficult it is for you. You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel good about yourself. Remember, you don’t destroy people you love. You can heal broken bones, you cannot heal a broken mind.

Vulnerability And You

There have been endless discussions and debates on whether one should be vulnerable in a relationship or not. Being in a relationship or in love is itself the most uncertain thing. Being vulnerable with people we love is often like stripping your clothes – it’s stepping out of our inhibitions, our fears and exposing ourselves with a hope that we would be understood. It is the bravest thing that we can do in a relationship. And being the vulnerable one in a relationship can be challenging. Not just because of what it allows or doesn’t allow for, but also because it’s difficult to cope with. Being vulnerable and being the only one vulnerable just adds to your vulnerability. It is something which is often confused with being sensitive.

While, vulnerability is a necessary part of loving an individual and in order to love someone completely, you’ll have to pull down your walls of fear and allow this person in. You need to show him or her the person only you know yourself to be. And maybe risk rejection. For few people can accept us the way we are. We are often encouraged to be our “true selves” in a relationship and when we muster the courage to be so, we are often met with a, “you are not who I thought you to be” making our emotional toes curl in. And so the dance begins.  Now we don’t risk telling the truth as it is,  to our loved one’s for we have experienced our fear of rejection, being misunderstood manifesting.  “No, you tell yourself silently, I’d rather not go there. Anyhow, I can manage not being understood.”

However, if you are the only one vulnerable in the relationship, then there’s a good chance you’re going to make life more difficult for yourself than it necessarily has to be. If you are the only one feeling vulnerable, then you’re most likely going to stress about being hurt. And justifiably so, as love wouldn’t be love without the possibility of heartbreak.

Then comes a time when we realize the emotional fortress we’ve built around us is terribly lonely, isolating us from the one’s we love. And for some unfortunately, it becomes a way of life. The resignation of not being understood in a relationship though can give temporary peace it has potential for disaster.

Being vulnerable does cause us to worry. It causes us to imagine unlikely yet possible events that, were they to come to fruition, would devastate us. The human mind is a powerful thing, but all that power can be difficult to control. Sometimes our thoughts run away from us. We lose control and begin thinking negative thoughts. It’s such thinking that often leads to ruined relationships. Sometimes the only thing between a successful relationship and a failed one is your mental capacity for remaining focused on only the future and reality you wish to be a part of.

There will be times in your life when you feel vulnerable, and there will be nothing you can do about it. In fact, that’s almost always how the real love starts out. It isn’t the love that books, philosophies, religions, cultures, societies have been built upon. To love someone in such a way, you have to be brave in the face of the potential hurt. You have to be vulnerable because you’re choosing to be vulnerable. When you do that, and your partner does the same, it transforms your relationship and the world you see.

In Tarot the Chariot in a relationship reading

chariotis all about emotions, and choosing to be successful by controlling your emotions. The Chariot shows up when there is competition in your relationship and you feel like you have to prove yourself all the time. Chariot can signify feeling vulnerable without being able to show how you really feel. The Chariot in a relationship reading can bring out your fears of not being good enough. Sometimes one is much stronger than the other and is using their power in less than honorable ways to gain control in the relationship. The Chariot speaks of relationships that need time to develop so that you can both find out how to be comfortable in it without the fear of rejections and failure. Once a secure foundation has been established the relationship has a great potential, but only if you can give each other enough individual space.

 

Working Through Intimacy

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry.  If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying.  There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” — Dalai Lama XIV

All relationships have a pattern. Well almost. As much as we promise ourselves after each experience “this is the last time I will let this effect me so deeply”, we promptly go back to the same reaction/space the moment the situation gets recreated. Romantic love is beautiful, but no matter how full the moon that first night, no matter how many willows are weeping and birds singing your song, you can’t build years of relationship on that lovely, fragile foundation and spend nights whispering sweet nothings in each others ears.

There are plenty of roads that can lead to disappointment. But the heaviest traffic probably turns up on the one traveled by people in search of love. Consider the plight of Vikram and Sakshi, a couple in their  late 30s who found each other at a mutual friend’s party. Both successful professionals moving steadily forward in their careers—he as a creative director in an advertising agency who also played bass in a leading band, she with a big job in the media, producing documentary films for a television channel.

When their eyes first met, the din of the party seemed to recede and the room light up for the two of them with a glow of promise. After a few months of Friday and Saturday nights together, they moved in with each other. Within a year, marriage felt right to both of them.

But marriage turned out to be a good deal more than they had bargained for. As singles living together, they’d conducted their lives separately. When they dined together, it was usually in restaurants. Now someone had to shop and cook, clear the table and organise the daily chores. Not to mention the mad dash to the gym every night.  It became more and more difficult to find time for making love. They were both too tired anyway.

The extraordinary experience of romantic love conveys the feeling that “the two of us are as one.” But the daily tasks of living together can quickly dissolve couple of notions that they have found such a perfect union. As their different rhythms and preferences emerge in the course of living together, each comes to feel that the other may not be, after all, the ideal partner who brings salvation from loneliness, deprivation, a sense of personal inadequacy, or other anxieties of the solitary self. “You are not who I thought you were,” they tell each other. And from the depths of this disappointment, they often turn to accusing each other of deception, selfishness, or worse.

Disappointment is a stage of love nearly every serious intimate relationship—probably every one that lasts longer than overnight—has to struggle with. It may strike suddenly or build up slowly, but once the battling begins, it can assume tragic proportions for a couple trying to make a life together.

Falling in love leads to such Herculean expectations of happiness that it can feel like the discovery of Eden. But falling out of fairyland with regularity also seems to be our lot.  There’s nothing like your mind playing games that you have yet again failed at love and that if this relationship does not work, will I ever find one that does?

Unfortunately, most of us grow up thinking, “love is easy or effortless” and the thought of working on a relationship itself is perceived as a tedious task. We hesitate in our hearts and minds to “work through it” because relationships that require work are difficult relationships. Thanks to the information we pick up during our growing years through movies or books, where love is all about oneness, sunsets and did I forget to mention easy. Boy meets girl, falls in love and they zoom off somewhere lovely!

Truth be told, the best relationships are constantly effort in motion. Couples who have perfect relationships have mastered the art of managing each others expectations simply because they love each other enough to roll up their sleeves and deal with what they have. They recognise that they are different individuals who have chosen to live together and accept that there will be differences in their outlook. This is where maturity comes to play. To be able to step back and know that the one you love deeply also has flaws.

At all times being empathetic with each other does the magic. Empathy helps turn anger into sorrow. When sorrow becomes mutual, it begins to erase the lines drawn in the sand. Only then does the possibility of apology and forgiveness become real. I consider this sequence—anger, sorrow, apology, forgiveness—one of the most important developmental passages in marriage or in therapy with couples because it is a prerequisite for the restoration of innocence and trust.

I also think at times it’s good to be disappointed early on in a relationship – it gives you time to realign your expectations and your partners. Plus disappointment has a future; depression doesn’t. There is no where to go if you are already at the end of the story. With disappointment, the plot is still taking shape, even though there may be hard work to do learning to tolerate the unknown of the future despite past suffering and to risk rebuilding a social life anyway together.

A flourishing intimacy is likely to demand an extraordinary amount of empathy and patient cultivation from both partners.

The first drafts of love are usually in need of considerable revision. As long as both the partners are willing to work at it.

I guess Blinkie said it right you Don’t give up on love

You and me, me and you
In the summertime
How we touched, how we kissed
Felt so right
Sun is gone, but the moon shines so bright
And I know we will share under the same star tonight
Oh, don't give up on love, don't give up on love, don't give up on love
Dance with me like no one else can see
Hold me like you don't want to be free
Sun is gone, but the moon shines so bright
And I know we will share under the same star tonight

Cause' I just wanna dance with you
Won't you let me dance with you?
Oh, don't give up on love, don't give up on love, don't give up on love

 

Get Your Funk On

15627_10152734843520875_7600415943623217630_n“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life. That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”   
Being brave, showing up for yourself. Everyday.
Being brave is often classified as being “physically brave” – participating in adventurous or risky sport or activities or courageous in the

5 penta

face of physical pain, hardship, or threat of death, while “emotional courage” is the ability to keep your calm and wits about when faced with rejection, heart break, shame, or discouragement.  Strength Tarot card beautifully depicts both inner and outer courage and strength, often emerging from the most unlikeliest of sources.
But have you thought about others?  Courage is displayed throughout the deck.  The 7 of Wands displays a kind of crazy, madman courage in the face of overwhelming odds and besides, he’s not ready. He has just jumped up and rushed out – totally unprepared. The 5 of Pentacles shows the inner strength to persevere when one is at the rope’s frayed end but to keep going despite hardships and challenges.  The 8 of Cups shows the courage to strike out on one’s own, leaving behind what once was cherished. It’s also about moving away from pain and choosing the unknown.
7 wandsThe 8 of Pentacles is about the everyday courage it takes to do what has to be done, again and again.  The 7 of Swords shows someone taking a lot of risk into one’s own hands, and feeling somewhat cornered into doing so.   All of these actions take courage in varying degrees and measures.

eight_pentacles 8 cupsStories.  We all have our stories, our moments, however brief, of striking courage that surprised people around us and made us look at ourselves in another light.  We look back and wonder at our own bravery, or foolish recklessness, because sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.

Sometimes we don’t even recognize it as bravery.  We were just doing what had to be done and didn’t feel any special commission that stated, “This is bravery, right here.”  It was just necessary and we did it.
It is not necessary for courage to be on display each day – at times we feel just because we have done it once, it’s accomplished. Truth be told, you have to be brave each day. At times, it’s like gritting your teeth and moving on and at times it’s as simple as standing your ground, holding on to what feels right in your gut and not being ashamed of it.
Of walking away from situations, from people who no longer value you.
And not looking back.

How To Identify Toxic People And How To Get Rid Of Them

Toxic seems to be loosely used these days in many contexts. You may find some people plain irritating, loud, constantly seeking attention, especially the one’s who constantly beat their chests on Facebook every morning. They ensure, their pain, their angst has to be felt by everyone. They like to generally spread misery and enjoy the attention they are able to generate out of it. These people are  mildly toxic, not a full blown one. Toxic nonetheless. They’re just generally unhappy people, frustrated with their own life conditions and spewing  venom/ bitterness on a public platforms. It’s best to “mute” such people or what we would call a “limited/restricted profile.”

Be it your parents, your children, your closest friends, no one – no matter who they are or what position they hold in your life – has the right to infect your environment with negativity, make you feel lesser about yourself, make you question your self worth or try to force you to live the life they think is best for you.

You have the right to remove these toxic relationships and people from every area of your life. Yes. Despite what you’ve been told or raised to believe, you absolutely do have that right.

Of course, tolerance for toxicity is relative to each person — you have to decide when someone requires distance and when they need to be cut out of your life. Those lines vary from person to person. What we’re talking about here is true toxicity — the kind that infects, metastasizes, and takes over your life.

Here are a few classic signs of toxic people.

  • This toxic person always sees the downside to other people and situations.  Often, there is an attitude that others are “out to get them” – which is used as an excuse to explain their inability to move ahead or form lasting relationships.  They possess zero empathy or forgiveness, seeing small mistakes as personal attacks on them and obsessing over petty disagreements.
  • You may see a pattern of “one-upping” your problems.  If you have someone at work you’re having a problem with – the co-worker they deal with is much worse.  If you don’t feel well – they are in agony.  These people are particularly contagious and should be avoided at all costs.
  • Toxic people try to control you. Strange as it might sound, people who aren’t in control of their own lives tend to want to control yours. The toxic look for ways to control others, either through overt methods or subtle manipulation.
  • Toxic people disregard your boundaries. If you’re always telling someone to stop behaving a certain way and they only continue, that person is probably toxic. Respecting the boundaries of others comes naturally to well adjusted adults. The toxic person thrives on violating them.
  • Toxic people are always “right.” They’re going to find ways to be right even when they’re not. They rarely (if ever) admit when they’ve messed up, miscalculated or misspoken.
  • Toxic people love to be victims. The toxic revel in being a victim of the world. They seek to find ways to feel oppressed, put down and marginalized in ways they clearly are not. This might take the form of excuses, rationalizations, or out-and-out blaming.
  • Toxic people don’t take responsibility. Part of the victim mentality comes from a desire to avoid responsibility. When the world is perpetually against them, their choices and actions can’t possibly be responsible for the quality of their life — it’s “just the way things are.”

Always remember to surround yourself with people who uplift you and are good to you and for you and visit places that make you happy. Get involved with new people or engage in new situations. Focus yourself in new directions away from the toxic person you’re avoiding.  Avoiding people who need to be removed from your life might be difficult at first, but eventually they will get the hint. Many relationships in our lives can end this way naturally after they’ve run their course so it can be done.