One of the first steps we can take, whether we are seeking physical or emotional healing, says Kornfield, is to hold ourselves with compassion and love. “Just as yeast is a necessary ingredient for bread to rise, compassion and love are the necessary ingredients for healing.”
We all understand and know in our hearts, what is right, what is wrong, what it means when someone is disrespectful towards us or loving and respects our boundaries. Unfortunately our toughest lessons come from people closest to us, who may work as catalyst for change in us. The trick is not to ignore the hurt that rises in us, but to pause and reflect on it. You can pay attention to what happens to your body during time of stress or hurt. Does your throat dry up, does your heart beat faster? Do you feel sick in your stomach? Instead of telling yourself your hurt doesn’t matter or that you deserve it, try listening to your hurt and acknowledge it with compassion. Tell yourself you are supported. Practice being mindful and non judgemental to yourself.
Rather than create an inner self of chaos, practice to look at the situation with compassion. Don’t deny your hurt. But don’t allow it either to overwhelm your inner self. If you do not fit into someone’s definition of how you should be, or not confer to a certain stereotype, try to disengage respectfully. Recognise and accept that connections are made based on mutual respect and love. And everyone may have their own standards.
If you are going through a phase which is challenging, take a breath and ask your heart, ‘What is my best intention, for everyone’s highest good?” Practicing from a place of inner strength which can open your life in beautiful ways. We can’t always choose what happens to us, but we can always choose to operate from our highest self.
Choose to have compassion, love and freedom no matter what the circumstance. You will encounter people who have trouble setting boundaries and usually they will be the one’s who will have trouble responding to boundaries set by others. It’s common to feel like you need to explain your boundaries to others. But you don’t—and sometimes the simplest, most honest response is “No, thanks.”