“You have to have courage to love somebody. Because you risk everything. Everything.” ~ Maya Angelou
Happiness is unfortunately perceived as perfectionism, things which flow smoothly, no messy conversations or misunderstandings, everyone holding hands and walking towards the rainbow.
I think there’s a lot of adulting required while understanding happiness and accepting that vulnerability is a huge part of it. What most of us don’t know or understand or even accept that vulnerability is a long process of it’s own. The road is longer and deeper than we think. It’s about baring of your soul, of working through pain, of connecting with others, of healing in bits and pieces. We may feel we have reached at the end of the tunnel and the light is just there at the corner but it’s a long, endless tunnel which can feel like a hopeless situation in life.
Over a period of time, depending on our life experiences we learn to block things that hurt us and we avoid being in such situations. It can be as simple as avoiding falling in love or being committed in a relationship or avoiding doing things which cause fear of rejection or pain.
Our relationships drive us and define us. They make us want to be better versions of who we are. Rather than worry about what you have lost, be grateful for those painful experiences, for those challenging situations that have allowed you to find yourself and figure out what’s important and what makes you truly happy now.
Heartbreak is not such a bad thing, it’s like a wake up call which is asking you to quit avoiding opening up to vulnerability. Take time for the process aftermath of a broken heart, rather than create layers of fear and disappointments – which take longer to peel. Sure, you can avoid temporary pain by refusing to deal with it but all it does is create numbness, stress and physical aches and pains. Our bodies have a way of telling us when something is not right emotionally.
Suppressing your fears never works. Being happy is hard work, sadness is lazy unfortunately. You have to have the courage and patience in allowing past hurts to come to the surface. Seek help of a therapist if it’s something that overwhelms you. Create space within you so you can be honest with yourself with what you need to know.
Even if your relationship did not last, you have to be prepared emotionally for the one that will and for that you will have to create space.
Not everyone we love, will love us back and some will break our hearts and leave. And that’s okay too. We can’t force people to love us the way we do and neither can we expect them to stay with us. Most importantly, remind yourself that you still have you to count on. Dive deep within yourself and find that value because self-love and self-approval are irreplaceable.
Rather than focus on your faliures and guilts unhook yourself from your past and focus on what you can create today. Give yourself time post a heartbreak. Rather than jump into another relationship and convince yourself, that you’re over it – do a emotional time out.
Happiness comes in knowing that that you took the risk of opening your heart again to new experiences, maybe new ways of loving. It’s better to love and get your heart broken than never experiencing the happiness that love could give you.