Wearing off friendships is a painful process and at times we don’t even realise when was the exact moment when it happened and for some of us, we don’t even realise until a close friend starts avoiding hanging out with us. Before long, it starts dawning on you that there are basically excuses not to spend time together. Where earlier, stressful work, crazy work hours or even crazy traffic were non issues, they become a legit excuse to hide behind.
There is nothing specific that happens, and no matter how you replay the last couple of months you can’t figure out, what exactly happened? For those to whom the “I’m done with the friendship” envelope gets handed over, there’s a sense of deep betrayal and disappointments. Friends are supposed to stay forever in our books…we/they are not supposed to wear off as compared to rest of the relationships. There’s a very thin line between knowing whether you are better off without some people or you change for the better because of them.
I think, it’s brave to let go of friendships that stop evolving, when efforts come half hearted and all you feel is drained post your rare interaction with your friend. Not all friends are supposed to stay, some come as catalysts they make you change and then move and there are those rare one’s who see you through your sh*t and embrace you. And that’s okay. It’s okay if people choose to walk away, maybe that was the tenure of their journey with you. It’s hard. Very hard.
I recall losing a friend sometime back to her moving on from the friendship, but for a while it was only her who knew it. Maybe she was too embarrassed to tell me, maybe she was just being kind by staying away. But, I couldn’t understand…I kept reaching out, wondering how to fix something I didn’t know was broken how. After a while, I realised I couldn’t ignore my values and self worth to save the relationship. Moreover, I didn’t know what to apologise for. It was a painful lesson on friendships. I realised some just cannot be repaired, no matter how close you have been, no matter what all you have shared. All I could do was let go. It took time. But I did.
The thing about friendships also is we feel, we’ll never again make good friends like the one’s we had. We are also convinced that neither are we interested in making any new friends. Too much effort. But see that’s the beautiful part about life, we are destined to meet new people along our journey, who will then fit in with our life story, our growth, our values.
Don’t close yourself to new friends. Life is long and beautiful, stay vulnerable to new experiences, allow people in, some will come and help you change again and leave and some will choose to stay.
Allow change to take place, don’t resist it just because things are not same as they were before. No friendship can replace another, but it will help you grow as an individual and don’t let disappointments and betrayals stop you.
Live bravely wearing your vulnerability like a badge of honour. Our friendships mirror our relationships we have with ourselves.