Tag Archives: Weekly Tarot

There Are No Accidents In Choosing The People We Love….

As per the Buddhist teaching, “there are no coincidences in life. The people we choose as partners have a purpose in our life. Whether it is to make us grow in specific areas of our life or to support us in our journey, it depends on the kind of connect we have with them. The effects of our interaction contribute to the real connections between ourselves and others so that they are never lost. This is more than just what your actions affect the world that we live in and will rebound from that world. This is about the effects of actions determining the connections you will encounter throughout all life times in this or any other realm of existence”.

Is it coincidence that we meet someone just at the right time when the odds of it happening are a million to one? Are chances meetings or coincidences just a distraction, or are they an indication that the nature of reality is very different from the way we habitually regard it? Jung talked of this kind of phenomenon in terms of synchronicity. It seems to happen more and more as one embarks on a spiritual path. I noticed it happen in a subtle form in begining and gradually being more pronounced since I embarked on the path to awareness. Simple instances like, thinking about a certain friend who has been out of touch and getting a phone call from them or even bumping into them accidently. More significant have been with people who absolutely were not in touch for years but were there on my mind – suddenly reappear and pick the friendship from where it was left.

Sometimes, people come in our lives as catalysts, to shake us, to remind us that it’s not to late, to break through our stagnant life patterns and other times we need them to remind us and to hold space for us.

Ironically, we may not understand the purpose of every person we meet in this life… In some ways, we have to look at the world as a giant fabric of vibrant colours, like a weave running all through it — some threads being smooth and gentle, while other uneven burlap. Each weave depicts a different meeting that has happened or yet to happen.

Though, not all encounters are supposed to last forever; sometimes, those encounters happen momentarily.. Perhaps it was to delay you, so that a mishap could be avoided or maybe even to arrange a meeting for you with a potential lover. Sometimes, the Universe sends us people to help us on our journey, even if they aren’t meant to contribute much or be a significant part of it.

The purpose of a relationship is to have the courage to see ourselves as we are… see the warts, the fear, the brokenness and the courage in us, that we are otherwise unconscious of.

The purpose of a relationship is to get under our skin, infuriate, overjoy and destroy us, so we can understand what drives us mad, what overwhelms us, and where we need to give ourselves love….and if you have a partner who has the courage to help you grow and is supportive of you as an individual, not feeding on your insecurities but stands beside you while you come undone and holds that space for you while you put yourself together…you’re home.

The purpose of a relationship is not to fix us, or heal us, or to make us whole and happy, it is to show us where we need fixing, and what parts of us are still broken, and yes, it is also not about being mocked or ridiculed or being belittled about your brokenness….it’s about both the partners understanding that nobody can do this work, or make us happy but ourselves.

So, roll your sleeves and have the courage to hold the space for the one you love – maybe they will come undone not once but several times…and so will you…have the patience to know, we all are capable of healing and loving deeply, authentically – given the chance.

July Full Moon In Capricorn : Power Struggles & Transformation

July full moon in Capricorn will highlights power struggles in relationships. Like the cardinal cross tussel, you can expect different areas of your life at polarities with each other. The time you spend at work versus the time you spend at home. Your heart versus your head. Try and keep your ego in check. Over analysing situations, working yourself up to an emotional mess are to watch out for. Like all full moon’s this moon too, is a a powerhouse of building up on inner tensions which would demand a release.
Focus on channelising your energy for changing challenging situations in your life that may have formed a pattern. Waiting for the “right” time to change could be the biggest mistake you could be convincing yourself of. Use your inner strength to transform pain bodies in your life.

Depending on the placement of your chart where the full moon will be highlighting the specific area of your life, resist the urge to control the outcome of a certain situation.

In your relationships, if there has been disharmony or constant conflict, then maybe it’s a time to look at your own conditioning closely. Try not to hang on to people from the past or your previous relationships either with a sense of regret or guilt. Rather than be overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness, allow awareness to come in and let balance prevail. Some of you may feel manipulated, controlled or find people close to you guilt tripping and blaming you for it. Use this time to surround yourself with positive influences, nurture yourself, take time to meditate.

Since the July full moon is in Capricorn, which is only a degree away from Pluto,the planet of unearthing deeper feelings and intensity and often transforms only through destruction and renewal. This is as powerful as a full moon can get. Emotions are already high at a full moon but now they become all-powerful, all-consuming.

Try not to be come obsessed with how you are feeling. However, some of you may have powerful dreams – keep a journal at hand. Your intuitions could be right but your judgment could be impaired.

Change is imperative, whether you seek it or it’s forced upon you. The goal is to transform your patterns and not be resistant.

Allow your soul to grow so you may lead a better, aware life.

June Full Moon In Sagittarius: Heal and Transform Yourself

The June Full Moon is one of the most potent in 2017. It falls in  Sagittarius, bringing issues like freedom, transformation and finally optimism to surface.

Jupiter is the supreme god of the Roman pantheon, called  “shining father”. He is a god of light and sky, and protector of the state and its laws. Be it political situations which have been unjust or relationships which have been unequal, Jupiter will force justice and a sense of fair play. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter or as per the Greek mythology  Zeus.  He is a son of Saturn and brother of Neptune and Juno (who is also his wife).  He does not tolerate manipulation. 

The Sagittarius energy is giving  and expansive and whenever the Full Moon is in Sagittarius it tends to expand or amplify our personal emotions and situations forcing us to deal with them and bring about change so a balance may be maintained. This full moon expect your relationships to be up for investigation and review. Things which have not worked so far, will have to transform.

With the Venus retrograde squaring Saturn retrograde for most of May 2017 has already placed a lot of strain on love relationships and on personal finances resulting in power struggles. The previous new moon in may brought about some amount of heartache or unexpected events  related to your money or personal life.

It is not all bleak and grey, for post the Full Moon, you will have clarity about which part of your love life you need to change or maybe in some dire cases, even let go. It’s as though the full moon will shine a torch at the dark areas where changes or adjustments need to be made. Post the full, there will be a sense of peace and release. A fragile relationship might break, there could a sense of betrayal or disrespect  and a  healthy one may experience some uncomfortable moments but continue to evolve. Try not to reach out to ex’s during this time or even start a new relationship quickly. Your sense of self could feel challenged, keep yourself away from taking drastic actions, even though temporarily, they might feel good.

https://youtu.be/b2o0HDnG3Fw

The June Full Moon will fill our lives with hope, courage and maybe a direction we have not explored earlier. While the focus is on transformation, it is also about new beginnings. It’s time to clear the baggage from past, release the old hurts and look at our scars gently, be proud of the journey you have undertaken so far, celebrate yourself, so you can welcome a wonderful tomorrow.

 

5 Signs Your Relationship Is For Keeps

We often look at love as the elixir that will save us from life. We get romantically involved and at times, more often than not, bad relationships make us wonder whether a certain relationship is “the one”?

Here are signs that the relationship is for keeps.

Respect

Yes, this is right above love, above everything else. Let me put it simply, if there’s basic respect towards each other – your relationship is for keeps. If there are tell tale signs of humiliating each other – even during fights it won’t last. You need to watch how you are treated during a fight. Does your partner respect boundaries or do they throw everything in the heat of the moment and burn the village down in their anger. If you cannot respect each other’s insecurities especially during a fight, you will fuel insecurity and a lack of trust in your relationship.

Friendship

The core of any relationship is being friends with each other and valuing that friendship above all. If you can laugh at yourself,  have the comfort of sharing your deepest self with your partner without feeling threatened, the relationship is for keeps. Whether you spend time doing nothing together or having the comfort of being in the same house yet doing your own thing, whether you are watching TV and your partner is reading a book are signs of a healthy and comfortable relationship.

Acceptance

If you can understand a simple concept, that your partner is different from you and it is not your life mission to change them – half your battle is won. Constructive feedback is great but if your partner is not open to any sort of feedback and is defensive or blows up every time you try and bring a non acceptable behaviour – take a look at your relationship again.  If you cannot wear your heart on your sleeve and are criticised for irrational things it’s a red flag. To put it simply,  a healthy relationship is where the couple accept each other and are not trying to create a mirror image of themselves.

Open Communication

If you able to have difficult conversations, without your partner walking off in a huff in between – you have a winner.  If you don’t have to think twice before saying anything and and feel you are  not walking on a land mine,  the relationship is for keeps. Couples who plan their future together, and work together to make them into a realty,  value each other. Planning a meaningful journey together and be able to have conversations around it are signs of healthy teamwork.

Trust

“Trust is a choice to be available, vulnerable and transparent in a relationship, because the person you’re trusting has proven worthy of your partnership through consistency in their honesty, integrity and dependability.”
Trust is much more than an instinct or a gut feel, people often confuse love and forgiveness with trust, while these can be given freely,  trust needs to be earned on merit alone. Relationships which have a consistent pattern, where the partners show up for each other and are consistent will weather many storms.

3 Ways To Untangle Your Life

Have Faith In The Process:

We all go through painful situations in life that can make us feel stuck. The situation may feel like an unending tunnel without any light at the end. Times such as these you need to hold on to the faith of it being a process of sifting before clarity emerges. Not accepting what’s happening and feeling a sense of futility will not make it go away. Remember to love yourself during this process, accept and embrace for what’s happening. Self hatred and guilt ridden thoughts have to be kept at bay consciously, by reminding yourself, you did what you could in the situation. (provided you have)

Know that it’s temporary:

Unfortunately, happiness tends to make time fly, while sadness and challenging times seem to drag. While going through tough times, resist the urge to be drawn in others drama or negativity. If your relationship is difficult, resist the urge to engage in petty discussions and focus on how you are feeling. Only being true to your emotions can give you clarity on where to move ahead in your relationship.

Set a goal:

Whether it is to write a book, change your job or get fit – identify it and then stick to it like your life depends on it. Setting goals can be a constructive practice. There is enough and more research done on the effects on the positives of goal setting to maintain a emotional happier and healthier life. Being happy takes requires discipline and hard work, and goal setting is one part of the equation. Whether the goal is short-term, you need to define specific and actionable steps that you can take in order to reach your goals.

Try and ensure your goals are difficult enough to motivate you and hold your interest but not so laborious that you realistically have no chance of achieving them.

How Needy Are You?

“Don’t be needy, you will ruin your relationship” and “I can’t handle her neediness” or “needy people need to see a shrink”,  how often have we heard this from our friends, read on different blogs, contradicting theories on being needy.

In another perspective, people fear that if they respond to their partners’ emotional needs, then their partners will become more dependent and keep wanting more. To avoid this fear, they push  their partners away.

There is research showing just the opposite—that if a partner is responsive to dependency needs, the partner functions more autonomously likely because they feel more secure.  As human beings, we are wired to depend on one another. As humans, we like connecting with other people whether to listen or to be heard. Being on our own has the possibility of hampering our emotional growth.  As someone wise said, “You can’t be human all by yourself.”

Wanting to connect and attached is often confused with a person who is emotionally dependent and cannot think or feel for themselves. The shaming which gets done on a regular basis as simple as saying, “why don’t you get your sh** together”,  is used  conversationally, not realising the damage of insecurity it increases. There is no shame in needing your partner or loved one to be there for you in a relationship. If your partner feels awkward about your vulnerability or shames your need to be loved wholly, accepting as you are without pretences, you might want to take another look at your relationship.

The truth is, at some point or the other, we have all dealt with regret, emptiness and  self-hatred in our lives. Whether we accept it or resist, we want to be heard, to be accepted and to be understood.

Accept that you are someone who wants to rely on others, wants to trust, wants to love and be loved as deeply and authentically as possible….which will require you to bare your soul and be vulnerable. Ignore the naysayers who insist,  you have to be a perfect, highly functioning human being before you even consider entering into a relationship.

It’s the biggest myth of all….no one is perfect… ever.

You can rationalise your need for space, for doing your own thing on your own, but, people need loving relationships to thrive.

To my credit, I’ve understood few basic things. I understand that it’s pointless to be needy with people with whom you can’t be yourself…people who are not comfortable accepting who you are. My caustic sense of humour has helped me get by as has been my ability to write. That’s the thing about not dealing with your core – your inner being, you forget to take care of yourself – on what works for you, what makes you happy. You get so focused on the other persons needs that you forget you have any needs to begin with.

Sadly, all this does is, develop relationships which are fine on the surface, but if you were to scratch them, they fall apart. The fear to hide your true self, behind the easy, fun to get along with, low key intensity – works for everybody. So, you learn not to dive in too deep in relationships, skirt around the boundaries and emotions. After all, who wants a intense, complex person on their hands? The fear of letting out your neediness and the frustration which by now could have converted to anger is repressed constantly. Don’t let it out, stay cool, stay easy…that’s what people can deal with. Right?

What if I were to tell you, there are people who are willing to roll up their sleeves and work with you on whatever it is that you need? Whether it was fear of abandonment, love – whatever you needed as a child or in during a bad relationship and didn’t receive.

Practice being real, with those few. Even if you feel stupid, incapable of a deep relationship (could be childhood neglect or result of bad relationships) have the courage to open yourself up – bit by bit. People who can see through your  bravado, bluster, and pain will hold you close.

Always remember, all you need is compassion and someone who can appreciate you for you are. You are just asking to be seen, heard, validated. And not just general appreciation. Specific appreciation helps, maybe your ability to write beautifully, your wit. Most importantly, your partners ability to reassure you on a regular basis that you will not be abandoned and the fact that love will stay.

No one enjoys or wants to be ‘needy. To deny a need is to deny a fact. By pure definition, it’s an absolute requirement. Need, not ‘want.’ I have never heard people say, ‘you’re want-y.’ Whether we accept it or not, we all have needs, which have to be acknowledged and it helps to know what they are.

Let’s not shame, scoff or worse ignore the loneliness and brokenness. Let’s accept and embrace the knowledge that we are capable of feeling isolated. Let not fear of loss of a relationship stop us to share our  stories and ourselves.

How To Connect Again In A Relationship

Always when we fight
I try to make you laugh
Until everything’s forgotten
I know you hate that

Then we watch TV
Until we fall asleep
Not every exciting
But it’s you and me
And we’ll always be together

“Intimacy is not purely physical, it’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you see into their soul.” 

There are times when I sense a distance in my relationship or  a lack of closeness. I understand this as a time to centre myself and quieten the din in my head. Its a time to listen from my heart. In a world where we are in a hurry to fix things quickly,  somewhere we have forgotten that at most times nothing needs to be fixed, not you not your partner not your dog. You just need to be in the present and acknowledge the person in front of you and what they mean to you.

There is a fine balance to be developed between containing – (as when our anger is on the verge of turning into hostility) and expressing (when our pent up frustration needs a voice) which when found can lead to nirvana i.e.; emotional intimacy. There are differing view points on containing and expressing. Especially if you are viewed as a hysteric by your partner or you view them as repressed. But, there can be another approach, where space can be created for meaningful dialogue and a quite understanding so it’s neither perceived as a dramatic vent or a sullen silence. Imagine emotional restraint and emotional uninhibitedness in sync, coexisting compassionately.
If the relationship has been toxic with a lot of emotional abuse and there is no choice but to walk away – without consciously wallowing in self pity or living in the past. Choose to be in the present.
The only way to have deep lasting relationships is to jump in deep, without prioritising your friends, parents, kids.
Your relationship has to be kept first, given a priority above everything else. This is the only secret you need to know in order to have a deep, authentic bond with your partner.

Unrequited Love….

“I hold it true, whate’er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Tennyson

Maybe in the moment of the worst pain, you’d rather never have loved; but there is sometimes something exquisitely beautiful in such a love. It makes us feel alive in a very special way. It also, of course, hurts like very few other things do.  So, you have this great friend/buddy, whom you hang with most of your weekends, go out catch a drink, text them throughout the week, staying engaged in their lives and then you sort of have feelings for your friend… you start to spend more time with them, you expose yourself to whom he or she is — all the idiosyncrasies, past experiences, what makes him or her happy or sad, dreams and ambitions in life, flaws and the depths of his or her heart. And you, in return, divulge your deepest secrets and desires. They know what it takes to make you laugh or feel special, and you build new memories together that make any torment of the past that much easier to bear. It makes you feel hopeful, and before you know it, you’re in love…something which you sense but will not admit. You feel safe being your vulnerable best with them and are finally able to share stories held tightly that you have locked up from the world outside. You trust them.

Somehow, everything changes the moment you look at your buddy differently. You start to notice intricate details you didn’t before, like the curve of his or her lips, the frown line above his or her eyebrows and the way he or she laughs. The realisation of being in love or even being infatuated with your buddy is not an easy one. You realise, you will either have to commit or move away and you also know you’ll always miss the wildness, the craziness and the laughs only they managed to get out of you.

To avoid awkwardness, you decide to take the heat of the relationship, by calling them your “drinking buddy” or only someone with whom you hang your “hair down”.  You let go off them finally, and you miss them. You let go to a point, where even going out and drinking with anyone else, reminds you of them…the fun you had, the crazy madness and the chemistry which you both felt but didn’t speak about. So, you get involved with other people, but you secretly always wonder about the , “what if’s”,  fearing you’ll never open your heart that way again. You also fear no one will be able to get you the way they did.

When we live with the regrets of certain relationships not culminating into something more concrete than we would have wanted/hoped for (but maybe the time/situation in your life at that time didn’t allow) you’ll keep the bond alive. The distance does not stop you from thinking of them or wondering how wonderful it could have been. It does seem like an harmless exercise, but you understand, it’s just a matter of time, when you’ll bump into them and have that harmless drink again. So, you wait, patiently – for time to go by and things to get easy, but you’re secretly certain – this is not over.

I unfortunately have no rule book which would dictate, “You have to text only when its their birthday”  or “Don’t pine for them!” Every relationship is different, every person is different, and different things work for different people. What I do understand is, it’s  helpful to create some extra space between yourself and the person you’re interested in. It could mean, cutting down the time texting, updating them about your life or showing interest in theirs. 

Honestly? It may sound harsh, but either you learn to accept that, for whatever reason, and for however long, this circle is the pattern you’re going to live with. (of playing the patient game and then having the innocent drink) and be okay with it.

Or … Let go and move on, without the closure that you think you want or they want. None exists. Recognise your need to fill that gap again left by that person and accept it. Don’t chase closure. It’s a holy grail.

You don’t need to keep looking for signs that it’s over, but what you may really want is proof that it could happen. So, be clear – of what you want or what you wish for. Hidden desires have a way of manifesting themselves that could confuse your current relationship.

What Have You Attracted In Your Life?

An important part of my work are affirmations. I often suggest them towards end of my Tarot readings as exercises to have different perspectives, and watch over our thoughts carefully. Over a period of time, I have realised the misinterpretation towards affirmations. Some roll their eyes dismissively , some do them half heartedly while others simply reject them. Most give up doing the affirmations mid way, for some it just feels like a waste of time. The trick to doing affirmations is to feel them, in your heart, in your mind and in your bones.

I understand, for some after life’s repeated beating, deep dejection can set in. But I also know, that we attract people, situations exactly in spaces of our life where growth is required. This is not to say, that should suffer endlessly on the contrary this is about going against self defeating thoughts which if carried on for a long period of time can physically debilitate you besides turning you negative.

There is no great secret behind the “law of attraction”. We attract what we think or at times people, situations where we need to grow.

You can leave bad situations, abusive relationships and dead relationships. There is no higher good in suffering. The secret lies in fighting against negative conditioning. Be your cheer leader, be your own champion. Don’t let anyone define for you, what you can and can’t do.

You have the power to manifest goodness and love in your life.

 

Are You With A Soulmate Or A Wound mate?

We often get confused between our soulmate and wound mate. One operates out of love and another ego. It can be amazingly confusing as signals received from both can be similar. A strong soul connection, coupled with an electrifying chemistry can confuse the best of us. The lessons unfortunately can be both, beautiful and tragic at the same time.

A wound mate is often your own splitting image, carrying their hurts, unsorted emotional scarring from childhood or from repetitive toxic relationships, they become your partners in crime. Misery loves company as do wound mates. You feel connected through pain, grief and at times just the plain old feeling of constant unsupported or unloved. Unfortunately, neither of these partners survive the relationship or can hope of building a strong foundation as the sensitivities can always be at an high with neither willing to heal.

 

The more light gets shone on our dark places, the more we realise corners that have not been dusted or some simply been ignored over the years, stuff we thought we had sorted – now seems to lie scattered on the floor. What may have been a daunting task in the past now seems impossible. Constantly being ridiculed about our grief or scars helps non one heal but just open the wound again and again. With constant criticism, it becomes very hard to trust wound partners or bare your authentic self to them. The unfortunate thing with a wound mate is, over a period of time you start wearing a mask, as your darker side is uncomfortable to deal with. Until, both partners commit to operate from a place of empathy and fearlessness, this kind of a relationship is often a waste of emotions and energy for all you would do is press constant triggers in each other and keep the wounds in focus.

 

A soul mate interestingly does not necessarily save you in the traditional way, they guide you through narrow paths, giving you your own torch, enabling you. They don’t accuse you of having wound, but on seeing your scars tenderly patch them by giving you another perspective. They will create space for you, listen to you without prejudice, seldom mocking or assuming the worst of you. You are allowed to unpack your baggage. No lengthy explanations required on what you said and what you meant…for they always view you with trust.

If the ego is always in control, constantly dominating, it becomes hard for the wound mate to convert into a soulmate. Breaking down of the ego and establishing a soul connect is though hard but fulfilling work. It is important to recognise that when we constantly feel threatened, rejected we have entered into a relationship which would require considerable work and empathy towards your partner. Love is the most powerful healer, but you need to allow the love seep in the nooks and crevices of areas that hurt which may not always be as easy as it sounds but it’s not impossible.