Tag Archives: Anisha Best Tarot Reader

Pet Therapy And Your Emotional Health

Those of us who own pets know they make us happy. And thankfully, a growing body of scientific research is showing that our pets are good for our emotional well being.

I have forever had a dog and despite the inevitable heart break, this has been an never ending love affair. Whether you are dealing with depression or anxiety, pets have a way of calming you down. One study even indicates that when people with borderline hypertension adopted dogs from a shelter, their blood pressure declined significantly within five months.

Research also indicates, when dealing with stressful situations at work or home  playing with your pet can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax. Research indicates, pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels (indicators of heart disease) than those without pets.

Besides your emotional well being, they also take care of your physical well being. They get you going, allowing you to blow off pent up stress and relax, distracting you from situations/ things you could be battling with and forcing you to be in the present.

While, pets are miracle mood enhancers, do ensure that you are taking care of them and not just using them to entertain you temporarily and then abandon them. Don’t scream/ shout at them, pets especially dogs are hyper sensitive about our moods. It’s like having a child at home. Imagine the emotional trauma you could cause to a being who is voiceless and unable to express his anxiety. In fact, pets can teach you emotional discipline with their unconditional love. If you see you dog hiding behind couches or going in another room and hiding – it’s a sure red flag for you not to have a pet.

Every time you walk through your door they will be as enthusiastic as they were when you first got them. Caring for your pets is extremely rewarding for your emotional health. With growing children in the house, pets can encourage expressing love, being responsible and being a kind human – which goes a long way in bringing up emotionally healthy adults.

Try and get a pet from the shelter, they make excellent companions. They teach you that though life is short, all you can do is love unconditionally and be grateful.

Friends With Benefits: The Body Has A memory

To begin with, I have no moral high ground on friends being with benefits, but the recent number of times I have been counselling people who are in one, has made me explore this better. On the surface, it’s a fairly harmless arrangement, which tries to ease off the pressure in relationships – or this is what is assumed while beginning one. No complications, no answerability.

While, it’s understandable for the sexual part of a new friend with benefit relationship to fall into, but let’s look at the “friends” bit. We define a friend as someone we trust and who trusts us back, the relationship which is built on shared interests, experiences etc. Unless, it happens organically, an arrangement which is solely intended to be just a FBW from the begining in itself is misleading with a label that does not justify. Friendships take time to cultivate, and require emotional investment. While we may shy away from calling things black and white, thereby creating a sense of ambiguity, we’re soon heading towards a society that is comfortable in living in grey areas. Things that we know for what they are, but our fear of being tolerant or acceptance can be questioned, keeps us safe in the grey shadows.

While, greyness may work and even apply in certain aspects of life, but the lack of surety or living in uncertainty has started eroding into the relationships, causing serious damage.

The confusion that gets experienced in the ambiguity of trusting friends with whom a physical relationship is shared with, which has no direction, could leave you broken and emotionally messed up. We tend to underestimate the power our physical being has over our emotional. Our physical bodies have a memory. Whether you are hugging or kissing, there’s a chemical release which makes us bond or feel connected to that person. The mind could be telling a different story that this is just temporary, but your emotions and your body will tell you another.

Any relationship needs communication and a healthy respect for each other. Moving in and out of relationships which have no boundaries or no direction, tend you leave you exactly there – directionless and breed insecurity. You can be with each other one day and be free to sext or date anyone else tomorrow. There are no rules. Even if it’s at the cost of a benefit, you have to remember you are friends first, people whom you care for and are comfortable with. The worry lies in the fact, that such relationships can seldom turn into healthy ones. One of the partners may soon feel more and potentially feel strung along. They may just physically hold on to the relationship for the sake of it carrying on and start hoping the great sex may lead to a committed relationship.

It is rare, to find two emotionally secure individuals who are happy within themselves and not want more out of the other. They will understand boundaries…but then such individuals will seldom be in FWB situation. So you are back in the greyness and ambiguity which no one wants to define. Either, for the fear of losing what they have, or what potentially it could turn into.

Be brave, be accountable for your relationships. Let them be few. If you can’t bring yourself to commit, choose to be alone. Understand yourself better.. what you can give and what you can’t.

Options will always be there, choose wisely. Invest time and emotions in creating something wonderful. Having one foot out of the door – will always leave you there.

5 Signs Your Relationship Is For Keeps

We often look at love as the elixir that will save us from life. We get romantically involved and at times, more often than not, bad relationships make us wonder whether a certain relationship is “the one”?

Here are signs that the relationship is for keeps.

Respect

Yes, this is right above love, above everything else. Let me put it simply, if there’s basic respect towards each other – your relationship is for keeps. If there are tell tale signs of humiliating each other – even during fights it won’t last. You need to watch how you are treated during a fight. Does your partner respect boundaries or do they throw everything in the heat of the moment and burn the village down in their anger. If you cannot respect each other’s insecurities especially during a fight, you will fuel insecurity and a lack of trust in your relationship.

Friendship

The core of any relationship is being friends with each other and valuing that friendship above all. If you can laugh at yourself,  have the comfort of sharing your deepest self with your partner without feeling threatened, the relationship is for keeps. Whether you spend time doing nothing together or having the comfort of being in the same house yet doing your own thing, whether you are watching TV and your partner is reading a book are signs of a healthy and comfortable relationship.

Acceptance

If you can understand a simple concept, that your partner is different from you and it is not your life mission to change them – half your battle is won. Constructive feedback is great but if your partner is not open to any sort of feedback and is defensive or blows up every time you try and bring a non acceptable behaviour – take a look at your relationship again.  If you cannot wear your heart on your sleeve and are criticised for irrational things it’s a red flag. To put it simply,  a healthy relationship is where the couple accept each other and are not trying to create a mirror image of themselves.

Open Communication

If you able to have difficult conversations, without your partner walking off in a huff in between – you have a winner.  If you don’t have to think twice before saying anything and and feel you are  not walking on a land mine,  the relationship is for keeps. Couples who plan their future together, and work together to make them into a realty,  value each other. Planning a meaningful journey together and be able to have conversations around it are signs of healthy teamwork.

Trust

“Trust is a choice to be available, vulnerable and transparent in a relationship, because the person you’re trusting has proven worthy of your partnership through consistency in their honesty, integrity and dependability.”
Trust is much more than an instinct or a gut feel, people often confuse love and forgiveness with trust, while these can be given freely,  trust needs to be earned on merit alone. Relationships which have a consistent pattern, where the partners show up for each other and are consistent will weather many storms.

How To Connect Again In A Relationship

Always when we fight
I try to make you laugh
Until everything’s forgotten
I know you hate that

Then we watch TV
Until we fall asleep
Not every exciting
But it’s you and me
And we’ll always be together

“Intimacy is not purely physical, it’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you see into their soul.” 

There are times when I sense a distance in my relationship or  a lack of closeness. I understand this as a time to centre myself and quieten the din in my head. Its a time to listen from my heart. In a world where we are in a hurry to fix things quickly,  somewhere we have forgotten that at most times nothing needs to be fixed, not you not your partner not your dog. You just need to be in the present and acknowledge the person in front of you and what they mean to you.

There is a fine balance to be developed between containing – (as when our anger is on the verge of turning into hostility) and expressing (when our pent up frustration needs a voice) which when found can lead to nirvana i.e.; emotional intimacy. There are differing view points on containing and expressing. Especially if you are viewed as a hysteric by your partner or you view them as repressed. But, there can be another approach, where space can be created for meaningful dialogue and a quite understanding so it’s neither perceived as a dramatic vent or a sullen silence. Imagine emotional restraint and emotional uninhibitedness in sync, coexisting compassionately.
If the relationship has been toxic with a lot of emotional abuse and there is no choice but to walk away – without consciously wallowing in self pity or living in the past. Choose to be in the present.
The only way to have deep lasting relationships is to jump in deep, without prioritising your friends, parents, kids.
Your relationship has to be kept first, given a priority above everything else. This is the only secret you need to know in order to have a deep, authentic bond with your partner.

Unrequited Love….

“I hold it true, whate’er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Tennyson

Maybe in the moment of the worst pain, you’d rather never have loved; but there is sometimes something exquisitely beautiful in such a love. It makes us feel alive in a very special way. It also, of course, hurts like very few other things do.  So, you have this great friend/buddy, whom you hang with most of your weekends, go out catch a drink, text them throughout the week, staying engaged in their lives and then you sort of have feelings for your friend… you start to spend more time with them, you expose yourself to whom he or she is — all the idiosyncrasies, past experiences, what makes him or her happy or sad, dreams and ambitions in life, flaws and the depths of his or her heart. And you, in return, divulge your deepest secrets and desires. They know what it takes to make you laugh or feel special, and you build new memories together that make any torment of the past that much easier to bear. It makes you feel hopeful, and before you know it, you’re in love…something which you sense but will not admit. You feel safe being your vulnerable best with them and are finally able to share stories held tightly that you have locked up from the world outside. You trust them.

Somehow, everything changes the moment you look at your buddy differently. You start to notice intricate details you didn’t before, like the curve of his or her lips, the frown line above his or her eyebrows and the way he or she laughs. The realisation of being in love or even being infatuated with your buddy is not an easy one. You realise, you will either have to commit or move away and you also know you’ll always miss the wildness, the craziness and the laughs only they managed to get out of you.

To avoid awkwardness, you decide to take the heat of the relationship, by calling them your “drinking buddy” or only someone with whom you hang your “hair down”.  You let go off them finally, and you miss them. You let go to a point, where even going out and drinking with anyone else, reminds you of them…the fun you had, the crazy madness and the chemistry which you both felt but didn’t speak about. So, you get involved with other people, but you secretly always wonder about the , “what if’s”,  fearing you’ll never open your heart that way again. You also fear no one will be able to get you the way they did.

When we live with the regrets of certain relationships not culminating into something more concrete than we would have wanted/hoped for (but maybe the time/situation in your life at that time didn’t allow) you’ll keep the bond alive. The distance does not stop you from thinking of them or wondering how wonderful it could have been. It does seem like an harmless exercise, but you understand, it’s just a matter of time, when you’ll bump into them and have that harmless drink again. So, you wait, patiently – for time to go by and things to get easy, but you’re secretly certain – this is not over.

I unfortunately have no rule book which would dictate, “You have to text only when its their birthday”  or “Don’t pine for them!” Every relationship is different, every person is different, and different things work for different people. What I do understand is, it’s  helpful to create some extra space between yourself and the person you’re interested in. It could mean, cutting down the time texting, updating them about your life or showing interest in theirs. 

Honestly? It may sound harsh, but either you learn to accept that, for whatever reason, and for however long, this circle is the pattern you’re going to live with. (of playing the patient game and then having the innocent drink) and be okay with it.

Or … Let go and move on, without the closure that you think you want or they want. None exists. Recognise your need to fill that gap again left by that person and accept it. Don’t chase closure. It’s a holy grail.

You don’t need to keep looking for signs that it’s over, but what you may really want is proof that it could happen. So, be clear – of what you want or what you wish for. Hidden desires have a way of manifesting themselves that could confuse your current relationship.

Start Again: New Moon & Solar Eclipse In Pisces: 26th Feb 2017

FullSizeRender_1 Ideally, a New Moon – Solar Eclipse transits are perfect for planting new seeds and starting afresh. However, on the 26th February 2017, we have a full moon in Pisces as it joins Neptune, God of the Sea and everything to do with inspiration, dreams, psychic receptivity, illusion, and confusion. Neptune rules spirituality, and all things subtle. Neptune is going to be encouraging us to be reflective, introspective in order to gain insight. Movies, theatre, poetry, music and dance are the showier side of Neptune. When negative, this planet leans towards the netherworld of drugs, alcohol and hypnosis. Neptunian energy reeks of escapism on its darker days, a sea of delusion, where sleep and dreams could get effected.

This New Moon, while we may be embarking on a new emotional cycle, we can be expected to go through many layers of change before we have any clarity. For some, it may be a rude shock to finally see things in the light of the harsh Sun, for some, you may be still putting the facts down, getting clarity on your experiences. Be prepared to feel ultra sensitive and confused. Piscean New Moons are powerful experiences especially when you are discovering your self and removing layers of deep seated negative conditioning that may exist in the unconscious. Look at it as an opportunity to let go of unwanted patterns that are merely holding you back from living your life fully. Rather than focus on self pity or a sense of confusion focus on having compassion towards yourself and others. Listen to your higher self and happiness is possible. 🙂

Let go of pettiness, regrets, on what should have been and could have been and rather than give up and be in denial, make an effort to stick to facts. It may be uncomfortable but it’s healthier to stay connected to reality.IMG_1988

Dream fearlessly this New Moon in order to create a new life full of hope and and opportunities. It’s a perfect time to start afresh, find innovative solutions to old problems, look at your life as it is and embrace it.

 

Are You With A Soulmate Or A Wound mate?

We often get confused between our soulmate and wound mate. One operates out of love and another ego. It can be amazingly confusing as signals received from both can be similar. A strong soul connection, coupled with an electrifying chemistry can confuse the best of us. The lessons unfortunately can be both, beautiful and tragic at the same time.

A wound mate is often your own splitting image, carrying their hurts, unsorted emotional scarring from childhood or from repetitive toxic relationships, they become your partners in crime. Misery loves company as do wound mates. You feel connected through pain, grief and at times just the plain old feeling of constant unsupported or unloved. Unfortunately, neither of these partners survive the relationship or can hope of building a strong foundation as the sensitivities can always be at an high with neither willing to heal.

 

The more light gets shone on our dark places, the more we realise corners that have not been dusted or some simply been ignored over the years, stuff we thought we had sorted – now seems to lie scattered on the floor. What may have been a daunting task in the past now seems impossible. Constantly being ridiculed about our grief or scars helps non one heal but just open the wound again and again. With constant criticism, it becomes very hard to trust wound partners or bare your authentic self to them. The unfortunate thing with a wound mate is, over a period of time you start wearing a mask, as your darker side is uncomfortable to deal with. Until, both partners commit to operate from a place of empathy and fearlessness, this kind of a relationship is often a waste of emotions and energy for all you would do is press constant triggers in each other and keep the wounds in focus.

 

A soul mate interestingly does not necessarily save you in the traditional way, they guide you through narrow paths, giving you your own torch, enabling you. They don’t accuse you of having wound, but on seeing your scars tenderly patch them by giving you another perspective. They will create space for you, listen to you without prejudice, seldom mocking or assuming the worst of you. You are allowed to unpack your baggage. No lengthy explanations required on what you said and what you meant…for they always view you with trust.

If the ego is always in control, constantly dominating, it becomes hard for the wound mate to convert into a soulmate. Breaking down of the ego and establishing a soul connect is though hard but fulfilling work. It is important to recognise that when we constantly feel threatened, rejected we have entered into a relationship which would require considerable work and empathy towards your partner. Love is the most powerful healer, but you need to allow the love seep in the nooks and crevices of areas that hurt which may not always be as easy as it sounds but it’s not impossible.

 

 

 

My New Work Place

Hmmmm So what do you think? I heard a hint of irritation in the voice I was recently reading for. Do you think the new place will work for me? Will I be able to do my work effectively? Will my colleagues appreciate me? How soon will I get promoted? I was reading for a very successful corporate executive who was in the process of serving his notice period and joining another company. He had not left on a very good note and I could sense had not our common friend pushed him for this reading he would not have come. In fact he had (like a lot of corporate first timers) told me on meeting that he didnt know what the hell was he doing here.

Interestingly the cards he pulled out had 8 of pentacles prominently featuring with adjoining similar cards resonating the core of 8 of pentacles.
The Eight of Pentacles is the card of prudence and preparation. A woodworker, seated at his workbench, is carving a series of pentacles. A skilled craftsman, it looks as though he is continually perfecting his skills—and at the same time, he’s managing to produce marketable wares. He displays his work prominently, and he works in full view of customers and passerby. The eight of pentacles Tarot card asks us to raise the bar and consistently enhance our focus on being remarkable.

I also think, somewhere this card questions us what “success” means to us, and how we can incorporate that element of extraordinary elegance in every action we take to our achievements. With this card, one doesnt get the impression that this chap jumped out of bed that morning and went ‘yeah! I’m going to make loads of money or I am super successful!’

It’s a card of perseverence and work, committing yourself to your task and enjoying it and believing in it enough to do a little more every day. Either way, this card shows a labour of love. It says ‘there are no quick fixes’, and reminds me that to achive my goals, commitment, persistence and hard work are required.”

When this card shows up as an indication of a fortune related to your job or career, this probably means that you have just switched into a new career, or that you were dealt some job esponsibilities that you were previously unfamiliar with. This does not mean that you are going to fail. On the contrary, it shows that your spirit in pioneering the new job or responsibilities is commendable. You will do the best you can to see that the job is done even if you do not fully understand it. This marks a great worker and any company would be happy to have you working for them.

I subscribe to Mike Dooley’s posts which I find very comforting. Reading Mike’s posts reminds me that I am someone who benefits from a little routine in my life. Not too much of course, but to accomplish something simple like this each day would probably do me good. I’m all to familiar with the scenario where we say ‘it’s a whole new me! I’m gonna do xxx every day from now on!’ and three days later it’s like ‘ummm….’

But this isn’t about flashy resolutions or the inevitable guilt-trips – it’s about channelling a little of that 8 of Pentacles thing, and applying a little more of myself each day to keep my Tarot learning on a roll. I want to have the self dicipline and commitment to find time each day to sit down, draw a card, and spend a moment really focusing on this one thing.

Also I have realised that when I find something to be grateful for EVERY day….it makes everything around me so much more beautiful and awesome.

And yes, my skeptical friend has joined his new work place and besides the hard work he is putting in – he is learning to be appreciative each day.
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