5 Signs Your Relationship Is For Keeps

We often look at love as the elixir that will save us from life. We get romantically involved and at times, more often than not, bad relationships make us wonder whether a certain relationship is “the one”?

Here are signs that the relationship is for keeps.

Respect

Yes, this is right above love, above everything else. Let me put it simply, if there’s basic respect towards each other – your relationship is for keeps. If there are tell tale signs of humiliating each other – even during fights it won’t last. You need to watch how you are treated during a fight. Does your partner respect boundaries or do they throw everything in the heat of the moment and burn the village down in their anger. If you cannot respect each other’s insecurities especially during a fight, you will fuel insecurity and a lack of trust in your relationship.

Friendship

The core of any relationship is being friends with each other and valuing that friendship above all. If you can laugh at yourself,  have the comfort of sharing your deepest self with your partner without feeling threatened, the relationship is for keeps. Whether you spend time doing nothing together or having the comfort of being in the same house yet doing your own thing, whether you are watching TV and your partner is reading a book are signs of a healthy and comfortable relationship.

Acceptance

If you can understand a simple concept, that your partner is different from you and it is not your life mission to change them – half your battle is won. Constructive feedback is great but if your partner is not open to any sort of feedback and is defensive or blows up every time you try and bring a non acceptable behaviour – take a look at your relationship again.  If you cannot wear your heart on your sleeve and are criticised for irrational things it’s a red flag. To put it simply,  a healthy relationship is where the couple accept each other and are not trying to create a mirror image of themselves.

Open Communication

If you able to have difficult conversations, without your partner walking off in a huff in between – you have a winner.  If you don’t have to think twice before saying anything and and feel you are  not walking on a land mine,  the relationship is for keeps. Couples who plan their future together, and work together to make them into a realty,  value each other. Planning a meaningful journey together and be able to have conversations around it are signs of healthy teamwork.

Trust

“Trust is a choice to be available, vulnerable and transparent in a relationship, because the person you’re trusting has proven worthy of your partnership through consistency in their honesty, integrity and dependability.”
Trust is much more than an instinct or a gut feel, people often confuse love and forgiveness with trust, while these can be given freely,  trust needs to be earned on merit alone. Relationships which have a consistent pattern, where the partners show up for each other and are consistent will weather many storms.

3 Ways To Untangle Your Life

Have Faith In The Process:

We all go through painful situations in life that can make us feel stuck. The situation may feel like an unending tunnel without any light at the end. Times such as these you need to hold on to the faith of it being a process of sifting before clarity emerges. Not accepting what’s happening and feeling a sense of futility will not make it go away. Remember to love yourself during this process, accept and embrace for what’s happening. Self hatred and guilt ridden thoughts have to be kept at bay consciously, by reminding yourself, you did what you could in the situation. (provided you have)

Know that it’s temporary:

Unfortunately, happiness tends to make time fly, while sadness and challenging times seem to drag. While going through tough times, resist the urge to be drawn in others drama or negativity. If your relationship is difficult, resist the urge to engage in petty discussions and focus on how you are feeling. Only being true to your emotions can give you clarity on where to move ahead in your relationship.

Set a goal:

Whether it is to write a book, change your job or get fit – identify it and then stick to it like your life depends on it. Setting goals can be a constructive practice. There is enough and more research done on the effects on the positives of goal setting to maintain a emotional happier and healthier life. Being happy takes requires discipline and hard work, and goal setting is one part of the equation. Whether the goal is short-term, you need to define specific and actionable steps that you can take in order to reach your goals.

Try and ensure your goals are difficult enough to motivate you and hold your interest but not so laborious that you realistically have no chance of achieving them.

New Moon in Gemini: May 25th 2017 – Relationships & Power Struggles

New Moon Meaning

A new moon represents the end of one cycle and the beginning of new 28 day lunar cycle. When there is a new moon, the Earth, Moon, and the Sun are positioned in a line.

 New moon is traditionally a good time for starting fresh, both in relationships and starting new projects. A time to let go of old patterns, conditioning and belief systems. The influence of which lasts approximately four weeks, with the first two weeks being a time of making changes. The effect lasts about 10th June. However, with the cardinal signs being in a tussle there could be a trigger to your love life and finance. Which could result in having power struggles in relationships. If there has been insecurity or a sense of not being valued in a relationship, chances are things will boil to the surface causing power struggles.
Some experience a sudden or unexpected end to their shaky relationship, which could besides causing a drama be painful. A stable relationship however, will withhold. That said, change is imperative, things can no longer carry on the way they have before. There will be a sense of wanting more freedom and understanding in the relationship. Old ways of operating will no longer be valid, as would your life experiences. Be willing to give more and open yourself up. It’s a time for emotional growth, enhancing what you already have. Try not to give ultimatums or threaten your partner, who may just end up feeding on your insecurity more rather than empathise.

 

Transformation on both sides is the key to survive and strengthen the roots of the relationship. Work with the Pluto energy by being transparent and not hide behind the defence mechanism of burying your head in the sand.

Full Moon In Scorpio 10th May 2017: Convert Fear To Love

This May full moon is all about taking your power back. It’s about going in deep, letting go of things not required, making space for something to change, shift on a deep level. Pluto, one of the ruling planets of Scorpio, is going to dig deep, dig everything under the surface which is not pretty.

It’s the time for opening your heart, understanding the complexities of your relationship. On the other hand, if you are done trying, this would be the perfect time to cut that someone off from your life, or of a situation that is no longer adding any value to your life. It’s a time of being courageous, of taking back your power, tapping deep inside you for the strength and wisdom you possess.

Embrace and accept responsibility for your life. If you are not supported emotionally by your partner, look at whether it is something they are refusing to give you or are incapable of being there for you.

Show up for yourself. Use this full moon transformative energy to heal and move forward. You may just find a new direction ahead.

 

 

 

Don’t let fear block your way ahead.

Embrace and accept.

Uranus In Taurus From May 2018 – July 2025

To begin with,  Taurus and Uranus are strange bed fellows. When Uranus is placed in Taurus, it indicates a time when it would be difficult to listen to the voice of reason and be stubborn. Real estate, banks, government bodies are the most effected.  There could be a sense of projecting a broad-minded view on the outside, but on the inside it would be dealing with a stubborn personality who does not yield at any cost. Uranus, will question all the rules and inspire freedom and equality for all.
Uranus, is the planet  for  computers, internet, new inventions and new technology. It is also a symbol for discovery itself.  Storms,  lightning , stormy weather are also associated with Uranus mythology. Writing in The Greek Myths (Penguin) Robert Graves records, ‘Uranus fathered the Titans upon Mother Earth, after he had thrown his rebellious sons, the Cyclopes, into Tartarus, a gloomy place…’ This cements out idea about Uranus with unpredictability and rebellion, as a theme in astrology. He goes on to record that Mother Earth persuaded the Titans to attack their father, led by Saturn (Cronus to the Greeks) armed with a flint sickle. ‘They surprised Uranus as he slept and it was with the flint sickle that the merciless Cronus (Saturn) castrated him, grasping his genitals with the left hand…

Uranus is often the only thing that shakes our chains and breaks our chains.

Taurus on the other hand prefers structure, predictability, to plan each day slowly and steadily and work toward their ultimate goal. The Element associated with Taurus is Earth. Uranus in Taurus can encourage innovative partnerships dealing in real estate. It’s a time to be inventive and resourceful rather than bend on the Taurean energy which can cause repetition of grave mistakes made in the past.

This global transformation will affect not just the money, but also your material tangible assets. Bank loans, credit cards, tax system will all come under review. Uranus in Taurus questions your ability to source money, or put a roof on your head without paying an arm or a leg for it. Uranus does not tolerate unfairness and believes in equality for all.

Uranus is associated with the French Revolution, the Industrial Revolution and the American Revolution, because he was found in 1781, a key year for those events.

We’re going to see a global Banking Revolution, Economic Revolution and Currency Revolution from 2018. It will start small, go away for a while, then come back even more powerfully, as Uranus moves into Taurus, out, then back in again.

Uranus in Taurus from 2018 through 2026 will question and maybe end the old ways of governing a country or business. Maybe banks will change their ways of operating of giving loans. Pluto has been in Capricorn for a while and carries on being so till 2025 and is supported by Jupiter and  Saturn. Capricorn rules people who govern, leaders. Governments may collapse or serious flaws could be found out in their way of governing. The old way of doing things as we know, may not hold true.

How Needy Are You?

“Don’t be needy, you will ruin your relationship” and “I can’t handle her neediness” or “needy people need to see a shrink”,  how often have we heard this from our friends, read on different blogs, contradicting theories on being needy.

In another perspective, people fear that if they respond to their partners’ emotional needs, then their partners will become more dependent and keep wanting more. To avoid this fear, they push  their partners away.

There is research showing just the opposite—that if a partner is responsive to dependency needs, the partner functions more autonomously likely because they feel more secure.  As human beings, we are wired to depend on one another. As humans, we like connecting with other people whether to listen or to be heard. Being on our own has the possibility of hampering our emotional growth.  As someone wise said, “You can’t be human all by yourself.”

Wanting to connect and attached is often confused with a person who is emotionally dependent and cannot think or feel for themselves. The shaming which gets done on a regular basis as simple as saying, “why don’t you get your sh** together”,  is used  conversationally, not realising the damage of insecurity it increases. There is no shame in needing your partner or loved one to be there for you in a relationship. If your partner feels awkward about your vulnerability or shames your need to be loved wholly, accepting as you are without pretences, you might want to take another look at your relationship.

The truth is, at some point or the other, we have all dealt with regret, emptiness and  self-hatred in our lives. Whether we accept it or resist, we want to be heard, to be accepted and to be understood.

Accept that you are someone who wants to rely on others, wants to trust, wants to love and be loved as deeply and authentically as possible….which will require you to bare your soul and be vulnerable. Ignore the naysayers who insist,  you have to be a perfect, highly functioning human being before you even consider entering into a relationship.

It’s the biggest myth of all….no one is perfect… ever.

You can rationalise your need for space, for doing your own thing on your own, but, people need loving relationships to thrive.

To my credit, I’ve understood few basic things. I understand that it’s pointless to be needy with people with whom you can’t be yourself…people who are not comfortable accepting who you are. My caustic sense of humour has helped me get by as has been my ability to write. That’s the thing about not dealing with your core – your inner being, you forget to take care of yourself – on what works for you, what makes you happy. You get so focused on the other persons needs that you forget you have any needs to begin with.

Sadly, all this does is, develop relationships which are fine on the surface, but if you were to scratch them, they fall apart. The fear to hide your true self, behind the easy, fun to get along with, low key intensity – works for everybody. So, you learn not to dive in too deep in relationships, skirt around the boundaries and emotions. After all, who wants a intense, complex person on their hands? The fear of letting out your neediness and the frustration which by now could have converted to anger is repressed constantly. Don’t let it out, stay cool, stay easy…that’s what people can deal with. Right?

What if I were to tell you, there are people who are willing to roll up their sleeves and work with you on whatever it is that you need? Whether it was fear of abandonment, love – whatever you needed as a child or in during a bad relationship and didn’t receive.

Practice being real, with those few. Even if you feel stupid, incapable of a deep relationship (could be childhood neglect or result of bad relationships) have the courage to open yourself up – bit by bit. People who can see through your  bravado, bluster, and pain will hold you close.

Always remember, all you need is compassion and someone who can appreciate you for you are. You are just asking to be seen, heard, validated. And not just general appreciation. Specific appreciation helps, maybe your ability to write beautifully, your wit. Most importantly, your partners ability to reassure you on a regular basis that you will not be abandoned and the fact that love will stay.

No one enjoys or wants to be ‘needy. To deny a need is to deny a fact. By pure definition, it’s an absolute requirement. Need, not ‘want.’ I have never heard people say, ‘you’re want-y.’ Whether we accept it or not, we all have needs, which have to be acknowledged and it helps to know what they are.

Let’s not shame, scoff or worse ignore the loneliness and brokenness. Let’s accept and embrace the knowledge that we are capable of feeling isolated. Let not fear of loss of a relationship stop us to share our  stories and ourselves.

How To Connect Again In A Relationship

Always when we fight
I try to make you laugh
Until everything’s forgotten
I know you hate that

Then we watch TV
Until we fall asleep
Not every exciting
But it’s you and me
And we’ll always be together

“Intimacy is not purely physical, it’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you see into their soul.” 

There are times when I sense a distance in my relationship or  a lack of closeness. I understand this as a time to centre myself and quieten the din in my head. Its a time to listen from my heart. In a world where we are in a hurry to fix things quickly,  somewhere we have forgotten that at most times nothing needs to be fixed, not you not your partner not your dog. You just need to be in the present and acknowledge the person in front of you and what they mean to you.

There is a fine balance to be developed between containing – (as when our anger is on the verge of turning into hostility) and expressing (when our pent up frustration needs a voice) which when found can lead to nirvana i.e.; emotional intimacy. There are differing view points on containing and expressing. Especially if you are viewed as a hysteric by your partner or you view them as repressed. But, there can be another approach, where space can be created for meaningful dialogue and a quite understanding so it’s neither perceived as a dramatic vent or a sullen silence. Imagine emotional restraint and emotional uninhibitedness in sync, coexisting compassionately.
If the relationship has been toxic with a lot of emotional abuse and there is no choice but to walk away – without consciously wallowing in self pity or living in the past. Choose to be in the present.
The only way to have deep lasting relationships is to jump in deep, without prioritising your friends, parents, kids.
Your relationship has to be kept first, given a priority above everything else. This is the only secret you need to know in order to have a deep, authentic bond with your partner.

Unrequited Love….

“I hold it true, whate’er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Tennyson

Maybe in the moment of the worst pain, you’d rather never have loved; but there is sometimes something exquisitely beautiful in such a love. It makes us feel alive in a very special way. It also, of course, hurts like very few other things do.  So, you have this great friend/buddy, whom you hang with most of your weekends, go out catch a drink, text them throughout the week, staying engaged in their lives and then you sort of have feelings for your friend… you start to spend more time with them, you expose yourself to whom he or she is — all the idiosyncrasies, past experiences, what makes him or her happy or sad, dreams and ambitions in life, flaws and the depths of his or her heart. And you, in return, divulge your deepest secrets and desires. They know what it takes to make you laugh or feel special, and you build new memories together that make any torment of the past that much easier to bear. It makes you feel hopeful, and before you know it, you’re in love…something which you sense but will not admit. You feel safe being your vulnerable best with them and are finally able to share stories held tightly that you have locked up from the world outside. You trust them.

Somehow, everything changes the moment you look at your buddy differently. You start to notice intricate details you didn’t before, like the curve of his or her lips, the frown line above his or her eyebrows and the way he or she laughs. The realisation of being in love or even being infatuated with your buddy is not an easy one. You realise, you will either have to commit or move away and you also know you’ll always miss the wildness, the craziness and the laughs only they managed to get out of you.

To avoid awkwardness, you decide to take the heat of the relationship, by calling them your “drinking buddy” or only someone with whom you hang your “hair down”.  You let go off them finally, and you miss them. You let go to a point, where even going out and drinking with anyone else, reminds you of them…the fun you had, the crazy madness and the chemistry which you both felt but didn’t speak about. So, you get involved with other people, but you secretly always wonder about the , “what if’s”,  fearing you’ll never open your heart that way again. You also fear no one will be able to get you the way they did.

When we live with the regrets of certain relationships not culminating into something more concrete than we would have wanted/hoped for (but maybe the time/situation in your life at that time didn’t allow) you’ll keep the bond alive. The distance does not stop you from thinking of them or wondering how wonderful it could have been. It does seem like an harmless exercise, but you understand, it’s just a matter of time, when you’ll bump into them and have that harmless drink again. So, you wait, patiently – for time to go by and things to get easy, but you’re secretly certain – this is not over.

I unfortunately have no rule book which would dictate, “You have to text only when its their birthday”  or “Don’t pine for them!” Every relationship is different, every person is different, and different things work for different people. What I do understand is, it’s  helpful to create some extra space between yourself and the person you’re interested in. It could mean, cutting down the time texting, updating them about your life or showing interest in theirs. 

Honestly? It may sound harsh, but either you learn to accept that, for whatever reason, and for however long, this circle is the pattern you’re going to live with. (of playing the patient game and then having the innocent drink) and be okay with it.

Or … Let go and move on, without the closure that you think you want or they want. None exists. Recognise your need to fill that gap again left by that person and accept it. Don’t chase closure. It’s a holy grail.

You don’t need to keep looking for signs that it’s over, but what you may really want is proof that it could happen. So, be clear – of what you want or what you wish for. Hidden desires have a way of manifesting themselves that could confuse your current relationship.

What Have You Attracted In Your Life?

An important part of my work are affirmations. I often suggest them towards end of my Tarot readings as exercises to have different perspectives, and watch over our thoughts carefully. Over a period of time, I have realised the misinterpretation towards affirmations. Some roll their eyes dismissively , some do them half heartedly while others simply reject them. Most give up doing the affirmations mid way, for some it just feels like a waste of time. The trick to doing affirmations is to feel them, in your heart, in your mind and in your bones.

I understand, for some after life’s repeated beating, deep dejection can set in. But I also know, that we attract people, situations exactly in spaces of our life where growth is required. This is not to say, that should suffer endlessly on the contrary this is about going against self defeating thoughts which if carried on for a long period of time can physically debilitate you besides turning you negative.

There is no great secret behind the “law of attraction”. We attract what we think or at times people, situations where we need to grow.

You can leave bad situations, abusive relationships and dead relationships. There is no higher good in suffering. The secret lies in fighting against negative conditioning. Be your cheer leader, be your own champion. Don’t let anyone define for you, what you can and can’t do.

You have the power to manifest goodness and love in your life.

 

Gone Too Soon….

Like A Comet, Blazing ‘Cross The Evening Sky 
Gone Too Soon
Like A Rainbow, Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon
Like The Loss Of Sunlight, On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon
Like A Castle, Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon (MJ) 

I think in a way we always grieve. About our innocence, about loving fiercely, carelessly and about losing people we love dearly too early to death.

I accept that many things in life are a mystery and maybe there is peace in accepting things as there are. We  can have lengthy theological discussions about God, his existence or even question the “higher power” and have endless debates on why good people need to suffer and the evil one’s get away with murder. Do people who die young or in bizarre accidents or illnesses didn’t deserve to live longer? Do people who live long lives have some unfinished business from the past? Karma? Are things “meant to be”?

Maybe some of us are destined to live longer as our soul still needs to evolve more, learn more lessons, be it through challenging family or work situations….maybe people who die young were evolved souls …maybe they taught us quickly or left us in a space which forced our soul growth or evolvement. Maybe we would have never been ready if these people had not touched our lives or transformed us in some way.  This is very likely.

When people experience a near death experience, it makes them look at life with a totally different perspective. They tend to do a sifting of what’s important and what’s not and start focussing on doing things they love. It’s not strange to find people post this experience to give up their high flying careers and pursue a path of pure happiness. I call it the “soul walk” Cliched as it may be, the realisation that there is a price to pay for each extra buck that is earned and what we are losing along the way cannot be replaced again, can be a very humbling experience. So, in a  way, near death or traumatic experiences are good in a twisted way. They set us free.  They remove the fear of how we are perceived. It becomes easier to shed pretences, not be worried about tags, societal pressures and pursue a life which is in sync with the soul.

For me, losing someone drove me to push myself to connect within myself and listen closely to what my soul wanted. There are times, when I do feel I can’t see the path ahead clearly, but through my darkest and challenging times I have formed the deepest bond with myself. I no longer ignore the voice inside, I know it has held me in good faith – in fact at times, that is all I had.

When we learn to move away from fear, feel free to pursue what we love, connect with people authentically and change the negative experience to self growth, we create a space of happiness.

I don’t think death is a terrible thing…yes, the loss it creates for the people it leaves behind can be devastating and even debilitating . But if, what if we were to consider,  that a soul is just here for an x period of time doing it’s chosen task… whether it was something that it had come to learn or that it had come to share. Maybe,  that soul chose to be in your life for just that short time, so it could enrich you for the rest of yours… Maybe that was the only goal of that soul…

Grieving, I feel should be embraced, accepted and not shamed or shunned. When people near you grieve, rather than feel incredulous on their inability after so many years of still grieving, empathise. We shouldn’t be made to feel bad about a loss that happened years back. Of course, one should not be in a constant state of mourning or not be connected with the present. Acceptance in fact is a state of being in the present, in the now.

We all seek happiness through some form of perfection in our lives and at times the perfection becomes the journey and the goal. The truth is, life doesn’t always give you what you think you want. Life does give you some truly wonderful opportunities and some average one’s….but true happiness is entirely dependent on the experience you are choosing to respond with.