Choose love like your life depends on it. Leave no space for fear, doubt or mistrust. And watch your love grow and manifest into a relationship even you have dared not dream.
Acceptance: Expecting to be loved with your flaws and quirks while you refuse to accept the other’s is a sure shot recipe for an unbalanced relationship. If you are busy counting the reasons why you are incompatible and the number of arguments or difference of opinion you have – you have already decided the fate if your relationship. Accept and understand that your differences merely point at places you need to grow. And who likes to change? In eyes of our parents and our own (for most) we are perfect – or there’s little scope of change required in us. It mostly has to do with the other person’s inability to understand us. Like a broken record, we carry on, “why don’t you understand me”, “why is it so hard to get to you” etc etc. We refuse to acknowledge that we are two different people who are wired differently – who have different experiences.
Discovering the incompatibilities can be anything but fun, in retrospect you’ll find that they were a map to finding yourself.
Cultivate Empathy : LISTEN, listen and then listen some more. And when you feel you have listened enough, pause and observe. Give the love you didn’t receive. Show up, not just for yourself but for someone you love as well. While it’s good to dance to your own tune, pause to appreciate the dance your partner is dancing trying to match your step. Don’t get so engrossed in your own story that you start invalidating the other’s truth. No matter how much you think you know you never know everything. Don’t judge. Be open to understand and if that’s too much, bring your compassion forth and operate from there. When you feel that your relationship pushes your buttons, know those are the areas you need to work on. Explore within yourself, what do the triggers bring out in me? What is it that lies behind the anger? Which area inside you is demanding attention? You will be better equipped and aware to do the self work, that can allow you to have healthy relationships.
Vulnerability and love have a true connection and cannot exist without the other. While it may feel daunting to open yourself to a potential partner or even be wary while in a relationship. You unfortunately cannot connect at an authentic level till you are not willing to bare your soul. Yet, while it may be scary opening your heart to another person, do know that there are no guarantees in the best of the relationships. Yes, one can have the option of being careful forever but you also lessen the possibility of being truly known and connecting on a deeper level.
Relationships Take Work, BUT It Shouldn’t BE Work
Not everything is going to be rainbows, holding hands and walking into sunsets and little bunnies hopping through fields. There are going to be challenges and life will keep dealing you it’s curves and blinds as will your relationship. You may even look at each other in exasperation and wonder for the enth time, WHY can’t you understand each other smoothly and why can’t your relationship never ever exist without an argument. But, in totality the good should outweigh the bad. You should feel by the end of it being supported and loved overall not a situation which is complicated and messy and worry every waking moment trying to make it work.
Your Past Is Not Your Future Blueprint
Understand and accept, that you are not who you were in the past. Avoid bereting your past or yourself and what you did. Honour your pain. Accept that you did what you could to the best of your knowledge then. The people who walked with you then, did have a role to play in the colour of glasses with which you view the world today. But that’s about it. Cut the strings. It is your past and that where it belongs. Even though your past experiences in relationships may have taught you challenging lessons, but they were with different people at different times and a different you – so avoid making your past your future relationship blue print. Let it groom you for your purpose – love more fiercely, more compassionately than you did before.
Put In Effort To Make Each Other Happy
So here’s the secret: Some of the most wonderful relationships are not about give and take, they are about give and give. You will know you’ve found “THE” person when they continue to show you how much you mean to them, long after they’ve got you. Recognise your self worth, it will help you set your expectations right. You have to know that you deserve the love, respect and effort that you willingly give to your partner, will be given right back to you. There is no scope of fear or mistrust. Don’t worry about having to hold on to someone you love. If they love you back, they’ll be holding on to you, too.
Faith & Surrender
The most important ingredient. You have to have faith in order to move on. And you will have to push past emotional barriers created by friends and well wishers comprising of their own experiences of fear and pain. Don’t lose sight of your love and what your truth is. Keep your dreams in conversations with people who matter. You have to move forward whether people are on board or not. Love lives in the now and surrender the most important and toughest sacrifice it asks for. You can’t move in love if you can’t forgive, let go of the pain of broken relationships, of being let down and keep measuring your current relationship with what happened to you in your past. Do some soul searching and don’t let the past pain hold you hostage for your future love.
You have to love the only way that you know, be it recklessly, wildly or giving it your all. Even if you stand a chance of getting hurt again. There is no way around love except to be vulnerable and share your true authentic self. Love can hurt, but it will heal you as well and it will make you grow.