We tend to focus on all relationships in our life other than ourselves. While the rest of our relationships do give us an opportunity to connect with other people and form bonds and some feed our emotional, spiritual and physical selves – there is one critical relationship we all need to nurture and honour. The relationship with ourselves.
There are a lot researches conducted on self worth, self love and it is true, you should love yourself enough to be in a relationship where you can love another. While, this is true on the level of love, which is a feeling of being and stays (mostly) constant inside us – unlike the “relationship” we have with ourselves – which requires constant engagement. What is your script? What do you tell yourself when you are hurt or when you fail?
How do you treat your body? Do you punish yourself with smoking, alcohol or eating excessively? Self worth and our relationship with ourselves go hand in hand. It’s important to relate it with your body, for unconsciously, the body tends to store the residue of what we feel emotionally. You may find some of you have a constant neck ache in a tense situation or your stomach gets upset due to fights at home. Your body is a fair indicator of how you are feeling inside. It’s also a good indicator to focus on how you start treating your body – do you berate yourself for how it looks? Do you treat it with respect? Do you appreciate it for all that it does for you? Are you always critical of it?
Similarly, hear the story that you tell yourself carefully. If you are in an abusive relationship, what story do you tell yourself? You could be telling yourself that you deserve it or this is your fate etc. Focus on the elusive concept of self love and start applying it bit by bit in your life by changing the story you are telling yourself. Replace negative scripts with, “healthy relationships are not abusive” or “I can take care of myself on my own”.
It does not require you to make mammoth changes or changes that may feel like impossible. Maybe, you smoke one ciggrette less, or go spend more time outside than indoors, maybe you buy that lovely dress you’ve been wanting to without an occasion. On a deeper level, whenever you pray, give gratitude for yourself, your uniqueness, your individuality.
There are a zillion ways you show body, mind, heart and soul that you honour them.
Touch base. Check in. See how you feel. Listen to your body, have a conversation with it, and in the process learn to enjoy the person you discover.