Category Archives: Social Media

Why Am I Not In A Relationship?

You really can’t predict as to when and how and where you will meet “the one”. Sometimes, it’s as simple as meeting someone in a bookstore, at a friends place or even at work…

So, while it could be a tad difficult to predict the above you could do a quick self check to gauge whether it’s something uncontrollable in your life that’s stopping you from having that relationship or it’s simply you who’s not ready to share their lives yet…

One doesn’t have to be in a devastated state or a complete emotional mess to know this, simple things like being too engrossed in yourself and your work or lack of time to make space for others could be a factor as well. Sometimes, it could be a certainty that you just can’t be happy till you are not in a relationship.

See if you relate to the following..

You are preoccupied on finding love

If most of your conversations, thoughts, writings reflect the focus on your inability on finding love then maybe you need to pause. If your energy is focussed on the dating game and most of your interests are around planning ways you can find love than on focus on yourself, it’s time to try something different.Attract someone who is emotionally healthy and a strong sense of self worth and in order to do that your own self worth should be high. No relationship can make you feel better about yourself or less lonely or more worthy. Focus on yourself, on things that make you happy. Else, you’ll end up attracting someone who’s equally needy or insecure.

You Think You Don’t Need To Change

If you have been single for a while, chances are you have your routine in place which makes your life as uncomplicated as possible and chances also are that you really are not keen to upset your current weekend scene. If you don’t see yourself giving up your weekend routines or feel resentful about making adjustments then perhaps you aren’t quite ready to have a serious relationship. Expecting a potential partner to make all the adjustments and expecting them to fit in your current life is unfair. Maybe for a while, you should stick to your convenient routine life. Relationships require work, which can bring upon inconveniences, you need to ask yourself, how inconvenient you are willing to be in order to be in a relationship.

You’re Looking For Someone Different From Your Ex

While on the surface it’s a good thing. Hopefully, you’ve learnt lessons which you shouldn’t repeat. Rather than focus on what you don’t want, focus on being the person you would like to be with. We mirror each other in relationships. Our job is not to change our partners in our relationship. And neither should be expect our partner to bring about some magical change in us. If you have an ugly temper, you can’t lamely say, “because you bring out the worst in me”. Be accountable for how you feel.

You’re Using It As A Filler

Maybe you’ve just gotten over a divorce or volatile relationship and your current job is stagnant – you feel stuck in life. If you find yourself being on the hunt every weekend trying to score and make yourself feel better or distract yourself from the ache inside, you are definitely not ready for a committed relationship. Be willing to work through your mess and not pretend that there’s been no emotional damage. Don’t cover it with casual flings.

You Can’t Ever Admit You’re Wrong

Have you learnt any lessons from your previous broken relationships? Do you accept that there was truth in what your ex said? If however you have a really hard time apologising and give others a hard time when they do, you still have a lot to learn and evolve. Though, no one is ever right but you feel that you’ve been the victim all along or you are willing to sour things in your relationship over your ego, maybe you are better playing the weekend doing game. There’s no point having a relationship without a healthy foundation of understanding. And if you’re not willing to sort through your mess you’ll just have another bad relationship.

The change needs to begin with you.

July Full Moon In Capricorn : Power Struggles & Transformation

July full moon in Capricorn will highlights power struggles in relationships. Like the cardinal cross tussel, you can expect different areas of your life at polarities with each other. The time you spend at work versus the time you spend at home. Your heart versus your head. Try and keep your ego in check. Over analysing situations, working yourself up to an emotional mess are to watch out for. Like all full moon’s this moon too, is a a powerhouse of building up on inner tensions which would demand a release.
Focus on channelising your energy for changing challenging situations in your life that may have formed a pattern. Waiting for the “right” time to change could be the biggest mistake you could be convincing yourself of. Use your inner strength to transform pain bodies in your life.

Depending on the placement of your chart where the full moon will be highlighting the specific area of your life, resist the urge to control the outcome of a certain situation.

In your relationships, if there has been disharmony or constant conflict, then maybe it’s a time to look at your own conditioning closely. Try not to hang on to people from the past or your previous relationships either with a sense of regret or guilt. Rather than be overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness, allow awareness to come in and let balance prevail. Some of you may feel manipulated, controlled or find people close to you guilt tripping and blaming you for it. Use this time to surround yourself with positive influences, nurture yourself, take time to meditate.

Since the July full moon is in Capricorn, which is only a degree away from Pluto,the planet of unearthing deeper feelings and intensity and often transforms only through destruction and renewal. This is as powerful as a full moon can get. Emotions are already high at a full moon but now they become all-powerful, all-consuming.

Try not to be come obsessed with how you are feeling. However, some of you may have powerful dreams – keep a journal at hand. Your intuitions could be right but your judgment could be impaired.

Change is imperative, whether you seek it or it’s forced upon you. The goal is to transform your patterns and not be resistant.

Allow your soul to grow so you may lead a better, aware life.

June Full Moon In Sagittarius: Heal and Transform Yourself

The June Full Moon is one of the most potent in 2017. It falls in  Sagittarius, bringing issues like freedom, transformation and finally optimism to surface.

Jupiter is the supreme god of the Roman pantheon, called  “shining father”. He is a god of light and sky, and protector of the state and its laws. Be it political situations which have been unjust or relationships which have been unequal, Jupiter will force justice and a sense of fair play. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter or as per the Greek mythology  Zeus.  He is a son of Saturn and brother of Neptune and Juno (who is also his wife).  He does not tolerate manipulation. 

The Sagittarius energy is giving  and expansive and whenever the Full Moon is in Sagittarius it tends to expand or amplify our personal emotions and situations forcing us to deal with them and bring about change so a balance may be maintained. This full moon expect your relationships to be up for investigation and review. Things which have not worked so far, will have to transform.

With the Venus retrograde squaring Saturn retrograde for most of May 2017 has already placed a lot of strain on love relationships and on personal finances resulting in power struggles. The previous new moon in may brought about some amount of heartache or unexpected events  related to your money or personal life.

It is not all bleak and grey, for post the Full Moon, you will have clarity about which part of your love life you need to change or maybe in some dire cases, even let go. It’s as though the full moon will shine a torch at the dark areas where changes or adjustments need to be made. Post the full, there will be a sense of peace and release. A fragile relationship might break, there could a sense of betrayal or disrespect  and a  healthy one may experience some uncomfortable moments but continue to evolve. Try not to reach out to ex’s during this time or even start a new relationship quickly. Your sense of self could feel challenged, keep yourself away from taking drastic actions, even though temporarily, they might feel good.

https://youtu.be/b2o0HDnG3Fw

The June Full Moon will fill our lives with hope, courage and maybe a direction we have not explored earlier. While the focus is on transformation, it is also about new beginnings. It’s time to clear the baggage from past, release the old hurts and look at our scars gently, be proud of the journey you have undertaken so far, celebrate yourself, so you can welcome a wonderful tomorrow.

 

3 Signs You Are In A Co Dependent Relationship

Research defines codependency as a behavioural pattern in which you constantly seek approval or validation for your self esteem and identity. It can prevent you from having a healthy relationship and one in which you are constantly seeking the other persons attention and an inability to individually emotionally feel for yourself. Codependent people tend to display almost addictive behaviour which can turn into emotionally destructive behaviours.

It is true, relationships can be a boon or a challenge in our daily lives, depending on the kind of  partners we subconsciously choose or attract. From a soul growth perspective, we are drawn to people who may either activate our dormant triggers allowing us to work in areas of life which need healing or partners who collaborate with us on a soul level and become our cheer leaders while together we do the soul dance.

Codependency is easy to fall into, especially if you have had a childhood deprived of emotional support or any form of neglect in the childhood in which either you were left to fend for yourself or your emotional needs were brushed aside, making you crave for approval or trying to get love from people who could generally be difficult or avoidant of your emotional needs.   The dysfunction is so subtle, that initially in a relationship a partner who is being subjected to it, may feel flattered and wanted. But, once the charm dies the neediness can grate making the pull and push of the relationship incredibly painful to deal with on a daily basis.

  • You feel confined: Since the time you have been in the relationship, you have had to give up on your friends, there are no more “hanging out with the buddies” nights. You feel guilty about spending time with your friends fearing your partner may not like it. It could be that few of your good friends could be of the opposite sex and you may resent you having to give explanations to your partner. Relationships are not prison terms, if you feel restricted chances are it’s not a healthy relationship.
  • You can’t imagine a life without your partner: Yes, it’s cute and romantic doing things together, but if you don’t have a life of your own and depend upon your partner for creating  happiness or a sense of purpose in your life, you can wave your relationship a goodbye.
  • You give and give and then simmer in silent anger:  You mother your partner to a point that they start ignoring your needs. In a healthy relationship, there is give and take and mutual respect. You have to practice taking care of your needs instead of complain or feel let down when your partner refuses to do that for you. Rather than remind your partner or make them count the number of things you do for them, maybe you need to step out of the parenting relationship and take care of your inner self. If something does not feel right, have the courage to say it upfront and not let it fester like an infected wound. Face the fights and arguments and practice standing up for yourself. Either your relationship will evolve and change or you will have clarity in which direction to move.

Being a helpless spectator in your relationship is no fun. The truth is, no one can make us feel better about ourselves. This is self work. Yes, if you manage to find a secure partner who is willing to roll their sleeves and hold your hand while you do the work – it’s wonderful.

Love is being free while being together, its not living in fear or behaving in a scripted way.

 

The Truth About Vulnerability

\ vul•ner•a•ble: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or being open to attack or damage. \

The bitter truth about being vulnerable is: it’s misunderstood. Remember the times, you were asked to get your sh*t together, get a grip of your life and reminded how old you were etc etc…

Being vulnerable is a strength few people understand and accept. Those who get overwhelmed by it look at it as a weakness, repulsed or embarrassed by the emotions they witness.

The truth is courage and vulnerability go hand in hand. Each cannot exist without the other.

However, do be careful as to who you share it with. People are often not comfortable dealing with complex emotions and instead of feeling supported,  you may end up feeling guilty about your feelings or develop feelings of shame or low self esteem.  You are also not a nut job if you share  your insecurities or sadness … all you are doing is looking for empathy and love.

According to Dr. Brown, disengagement is the most dangerous factor that erodes trust in a relationship. The only way to avoid this is to risk being vulnerable with your partner by asking for help, standing up for yourself, sharing unpopular opinions, and having faith in yourself and your partner.

I am a big believer of therapy. If your partner is closed to your vulnerability, seek a therapist. Get counselling done. We all need a hand to hold in our moments of darkness and there is no glory in suffering alone.

Take care of yourself , be courageous, be accountable for your own inner well being. And stop apologising for yourself.

Pet Therapy And Your Emotional Health

Those of us who own pets know they make us happy. And thankfully, a growing body of scientific research is showing that our pets are good for our emotional well being.

I have forever had a dog and despite the inevitable heart break, this has been an never ending love affair. Whether you are dealing with depression or anxiety, pets have a way of calming you down. One study even indicates that when people with borderline hypertension adopted dogs from a shelter, their blood pressure declined significantly within five months.

Research also indicates, when dealing with stressful situations at work or home  playing with your pet can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax. Research indicates, pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels (indicators of heart disease) than those without pets.

Besides your emotional well being, they also take care of your physical well being. They get you going, allowing you to blow off pent up stress and relax, distracting you from situations/ things you could be battling with and forcing you to be in the present.

While, pets are miracle mood enhancers, do ensure that you are taking care of them and not just using them to entertain you temporarily and then abandon them. Don’t scream/ shout at them, pets especially dogs are hyper sensitive about our moods. It’s like having a child at home. Imagine the emotional trauma you could cause to a being who is voiceless and unable to express his anxiety. In fact, pets can teach you emotional discipline with their unconditional love. If you see you dog hiding behind couches or going in another room and hiding – it’s a sure red flag for you not to have a pet.

Every time you walk through your door they will be as enthusiastic as they were when you first got them. Caring for your pets is extremely rewarding for your emotional health. With growing children in the house, pets can encourage expressing love, being responsible and being a kind human – which goes a long way in bringing up emotionally healthy adults.

Try and get a pet from the shelter, they make excellent companions. They teach you that though life is short, all you can do is love unconditionally and be grateful.

Friends With Benefits: The Body Has A memory

To begin with, I have no moral high ground on friends being with benefits, but the recent number of times I have been counselling people who are in one, has made me explore this better. On the surface, it’s a fairly harmless arrangement, which tries to ease off the pressure in relationships – or this is what is assumed while beginning one. No complications, no answerability.

While, it’s understandable for the sexual part of a new friend with benefit relationship to fall into, but let’s look at the “friends” bit. We define a friend as someone we trust and who trusts us back, the relationship which is built on shared interests, experiences etc. Unless, it happens organically, an arrangement which is solely intended to be just a FBW from the begining in itself is misleading with a label that does not justify. Friendships take time to cultivate, and require emotional investment. While we may shy away from calling things black and white, thereby creating a sense of ambiguity, we’re soon heading towards a society that is comfortable in living in grey areas. Things that we know for what they are, but our fear of being tolerant or acceptance can be questioned, keeps us safe in the grey shadows.

While, greyness may work and even apply in certain aspects of life, but the lack of surety or living in uncertainty has started eroding into the relationships, causing serious damage.

The confusion that gets experienced in the ambiguity of trusting friends with whom a physical relationship is shared with, which has no direction, could leave you broken and emotionally messed up. We tend to underestimate the power our physical being has over our emotional. Our physical bodies have a memory. Whether you are hugging or kissing, there’s a chemical release which makes us bond or feel connected to that person. The mind could be telling a different story that this is just temporary, but your emotions and your body will tell you another.

Any relationship needs communication and a healthy respect for each other. Moving in and out of relationships which have no boundaries or no direction, tend you leave you exactly there – directionless and breed insecurity. You can be with each other one day and be free to sext or date anyone else tomorrow. There are no rules. Even if it’s at the cost of a benefit, you have to remember you are friends first, people whom you care for and are comfortable with. The worry lies in the fact, that such relationships can seldom turn into healthy ones. One of the partners may soon feel more and potentially feel strung along. They may just physically hold on to the relationship for the sake of it carrying on and start hoping the great sex may lead to a committed relationship.

It is rare, to find two emotionally secure individuals who are happy within themselves and not want more out of the other. They will understand boundaries…but then such individuals will seldom be in FWB situation. So you are back in the greyness and ambiguity which no one wants to define. Either, for the fear of losing what they have, or what potentially it could turn into.

Be brave, be accountable for your relationships. Let them be few. If you can’t bring yourself to commit, choose to be alone. Understand yourself better.. what you can give and what you can’t.

Options will always be there, choose wisely. Invest time and emotions in creating something wonderful. Having one foot out of the door – will always leave you there.

3 Ways To Untangle Your Life

Have Faith In The Process:

We all go through painful situations in life that can make us feel stuck. The situation may feel like an unending tunnel without any light at the end. Times such as these you need to hold on to the faith of it being a process of sifting before clarity emerges. Not accepting what’s happening and feeling a sense of futility will not make it go away. Remember to love yourself during this process, accept and embrace for what’s happening. Self hatred and guilt ridden thoughts have to be kept at bay consciously, by reminding yourself, you did what you could in the situation. (provided you have)

Know that it’s temporary:

Unfortunately, happiness tends to make time fly, while sadness and challenging times seem to drag. While going through tough times, resist the urge to be drawn in others drama or negativity. If your relationship is difficult, resist the urge to engage in petty discussions and focus on how you are feeling. Only being true to your emotions can give you clarity on where to move ahead in your relationship.

Set a goal:

Whether it is to write a book, change your job or get fit – identify it and then stick to it like your life depends on it. Setting goals can be a constructive practice. There is enough and more research done on the effects on the positives of goal setting to maintain a emotional happier and healthier life. Being happy takes requires discipline and hard work, and goal setting is one part of the equation. Whether the goal is short-term, you need to define specific and actionable steps that you can take in order to reach your goals.

Try and ensure your goals are difficult enough to motivate you and hold your interest but not so laborious that you realistically have no chance of achieving them.

New Moon in Gemini: May 25th 2017 – Relationships & Power Struggles

New Moon Meaning

A new moon represents the end of one cycle and the beginning of new 28 day lunar cycle. When there is a new moon, the Earth, Moon, and the Sun are positioned in a line.

 New moon is traditionally a good time for starting fresh, both in relationships and starting new projects. A time to let go of old patterns, conditioning and belief systems. The influence of which lasts approximately four weeks, with the first two weeks being a time of making changes. The effect lasts about 10th June. However, with the cardinal signs being in a tussle there could be a trigger to your love life and finance. Which could result in having power struggles in relationships. If there has been insecurity or a sense of not being valued in a relationship, chances are things will boil to the surface causing power struggles.
Some experience a sudden or unexpected end to their shaky relationship, which could besides causing a drama be painful. A stable relationship however, will withhold. That said, change is imperative, things can no longer carry on the way they have before. There will be a sense of wanting more freedom and understanding in the relationship. Old ways of operating will no longer be valid, as would your life experiences. Be willing to give more and open yourself up. It’s a time for emotional growth, enhancing what you already have. Try not to give ultimatums or threaten your partner, who may just end up feeding on your insecurity more rather than empathise.

 

Transformation on both sides is the key to survive and strengthen the roots of the relationship. Work with the Pluto energy by being transparent and not hide behind the defence mechanism of burying your head in the sand.

Uranus In Taurus From May 2018 – July 2025

To begin with,  Taurus and Uranus are strange bed fellows. When Uranus is placed in Taurus, it indicates a time when it would be difficult to listen to the voice of reason and be stubborn. Real estate, banks, government bodies are the most effected.  There could be a sense of projecting a broad-minded view on the outside, but on the inside it would be dealing with a stubborn personality who does not yield at any cost. Uranus, will question all the rules and inspire freedom and equality for all.
Uranus, is the planet  for  computers, internet, new inventions and new technology. It is also a symbol for discovery itself.  Storms,  lightning , stormy weather are also associated with Uranus mythology. Writing in The Greek Myths (Penguin) Robert Graves records, ‘Uranus fathered the Titans upon Mother Earth, after he had thrown his rebellious sons, the Cyclopes, into Tartarus, a gloomy place…’ This cements out idea about Uranus with unpredictability and rebellion, as a theme in astrology. He goes on to record that Mother Earth persuaded the Titans to attack their father, led by Saturn (Cronus to the Greeks) armed with a flint sickle. ‘They surprised Uranus as he slept and it was with the flint sickle that the merciless Cronus (Saturn) castrated him, grasping his genitals with the left hand…

Uranus is often the only thing that shakes our chains and breaks our chains.

Taurus on the other hand prefers structure, predictability, to plan each day slowly and steadily and work toward their ultimate goal. The Element associated with Taurus is Earth. Uranus in Taurus can encourage innovative partnerships dealing in real estate. It’s a time to be inventive and resourceful rather than bend on the Taurean energy which can cause repetition of grave mistakes made in the past.

This global transformation will affect not just the money, but also your material tangible assets. Bank loans, credit cards, tax system will all come under review. Uranus in Taurus questions your ability to source money, or put a roof on your head without paying an arm or a leg for it. Uranus does not tolerate unfairness and believes in equality for all.

Uranus is associated with the French Revolution, the Industrial Revolution and the American Revolution, because he was found in 1781, a key year for those events.

We’re going to see a global Banking Revolution, Economic Revolution and Currency Revolution from 2018. It will start small, go away for a while, then come back even more powerfully, as Uranus moves into Taurus, out, then back in again.

Uranus in Taurus from 2018 through 2026 will question and maybe end the old ways of governing a country or business. Maybe banks will change their ways of operating of giving loans. Pluto has been in Capricorn for a while and carries on being so till 2025 and is supported by Jupiter and  Saturn. Capricorn rules people who govern, leaders. Governments may collapse or serious flaws could be found out in their way of governing. The old way of doing things as we know, may not hold true.