“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”― Brene Brown
Despite all the wisdom one reads about detaching, it’s natural to try hard in relationships, attaching yourself deeply emotionally and have expectations. However, obsessing about the relationship, imagining the loss of it and the potential devastation it could cause is dangerous, not only to yourself, but to the relationship you are in. The bigger the sense of loss, the harder the mind clings – creating imaginary situations…it takes vicarious pleasure tormenting what it knows to be an illusion. And before you know, you are feeding the monster…guiltily in the beginning but soon the prankster mind knows by now that you’re tempted. So the game begins, between the rational, sane, secure you to a taunting, bullying child who keeps getting obnoxious with each acceptance of the illusion.
Imagining situations where your partner is cheating you either emotionally or sexting or even hiding information from you. It could be as simple as him/her catching up with an old friend on their way back from work and not telling you, fearing your reaction. It could be their past lovers who are still there on the phone diary, which could just be numbers for them, but they could seem threatening to you. The thought that anything can get triggered despite the love you share can be debilitating. You cannot be in a relationship 100% if you don’t trust or even feel secure. Looking over one’s shoulder has seldom resulted in healthy relationships.
Removing the intensity from what you are feeling often helps, and the first step is understanding what’s happening…..what’s real and what’s imagined. Stop working so hard at fixing the relationship, is there even something to fix…..look for the honest answer. The simplest thing is to just let go and move with the flow. Understand where the fear is coming from and what could be the possible reasons for it. Speak to your partner about it. Let him in your emotional house. This will not only build trust but it can deepen the relationship as well.
In times when fear grips you:
- Remind yourself to stay connected to love.
- Focus on what’s working: More Abundance less lack
- Increase your self worth: Remind yourself of all the achievements you had on your own
- Make genuine peace with the past, else the past will continue to show up in your present. Know the past is….the past.
- Keep it simple: At times when I am really upset I have a chat with my younger son and the simplistic way in which he views things makes me understand life again
- Lace Up & Run
- Calm your fears
- Look him/her in the eyes and smile
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” – Jack Canfield